Can blogging support your values?

I've just been reading an interesting post on G+. It explores some issues related to vulnerability which made me think of the recent ACBS conference  which I attended in Sydney where high profile, well respected speakers such as The Happiness Trap's Dr Russ Harris and the founder of ACT and RFT Steve Hayes who appear to be self assured and super confident, acknowledged their own insecurities and sense of vulnerability.  Not only is this unexpectedly empowering and reassuring, but my response (and I certainly wasn't alone) was "If they're not always as strong as they appear and have insecurities and doubts, then perhaps I'm not doing so badly after all!"

In the post I mentioned above on G+, Peter McDermott commented that we're discouraged from showing our vulnerability as we age and that this results in a tendency to share less of ourselves. 

"As we age we are taught to become more self-sufficient and less reliant on others. We are told to get an education and a high-paying job in order to build a family and have the process repeat itself. As we progress and become less vulnerable we notice that less people care about us and in result we tend to share less."

My experience is that we don't actually become less vulnerable, but that many of us have learnt, or been taught, to cover our hurts and insecurities with the facade of bravado, strength and confidence. Many people put on a mask which at best shows a smile, but sometimes a fragile, almost quivering, stiff upper lip. 

Peter is specifically talking about building an online presence and that the challenge of putting yourself out there  exposes the more vulnerable side of yourself.

In today’s world if you want to grow an audience, open yourself to exploring new ideas and opportunities, you need to put yourself out there. ... I’m talking about building a presence, sharing your passion and really putting yourself out there.

I've met many people who appear confident and who say they want to build an online presence, but that they feel exposed, nervous, insecure, incompetent, and that they don't want to be seen as being less than perfect. In fact they feel vulnerable. Will people laugh? Will they criticise? Will they rip you to shreds if you get something wrong?

Once you are honest with people about your opinions, ideas and wishes, you will find that lots of others share your passion and some of the challenges you face.   

I commented a couple of years ago when I finally started blogging, that I faced a lot of challenges in regard to having an online presence. I procrastinated for well over 3 years before I finally summoned the courage to even comment - anonymously - on a post and more before I began a blog! 

It took a year or more of gentle yet persistent encouragement for my web designer to get me to agree to go live! Blogging was only marginally easier; yet with my heart in my mouth and positively quaking at the knees and feeling sick with nervousness, I began. Perhaps I was overreacting!?

My posts were clunky, awkward and frankly, often boring. Sometimes they still are, but I've worked hard to learn from people I respect on line. Why? Because I value sharing, and I know that clients, friends and fellow bloggers have benefitted from some of my posts particularly about learning difficulties and workplace bullying. 

As one of the young women who climbed the Shard said: "It's a weird thing, knowing that you're going to be scared and doing something anyway". 

Putting yourself out there can lead to unexpected events. I was delighted when one young woman contacted me to say how much one of my photos meant to her and that when she feels down and discouraged she looks at it. So even the confronting aspect of putting a photo online (Is it ok? I'm not a professional. Will people think I'm full of myself?) can lead to unexpected, heartwarming outcomes. Her touching email means a lot to me, and in turn encourages me when I feel blogging is a waste of time, all to difficult, and too "out there".

In ACT language: 

• I've defined my values (in this case in regard to blogging)
• I refer to my values when I'm feeling discouraged and down 
• I acknowledge, accept and defuse from the negative gremlins in my mind who tell undermining stories and try to put me off acting in accordance with my values
• I regularly (more or less) set small goals (ie committed action) to consistently take me in the direction of my blogging values

I'll finish with another quote from Peter:

No one will know who you are until you are willing to show a little bit behind the curtain. It might be scary at first, but once you are able to share your thoughts and ideas, you will find yourself swimming in a whole new world of opportunity.

That's a very similar response to how those involved with the ACBS community work with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It's scary, but empowering, and opens up the possibility of deeper, more meaningful communication and connection - with others and with ourselves.

Undermining thoughts and feelings threaten to attack
and try to divert us from valued actions.

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posted by Sue Travers

International Students - targets for bullies and sexual predators.

International students can have an extremely difficult time when studying overseas. There are often issues of painful, sometimes debilitating homesickness, insecurity, confusion and loss.

They can feel resented by the local students and may in turn feel resentful. There are challenges in understanding the nuances of lectures presented in rapid-fire English, and local idiom can be a minefield for those who learnt a very formal version of The Queen’s English. There can be difficulties finding part time work and not understanding the local culture, businesses and expectations.

In their home country, the international student can be confident, capable and resilient.  Navigating and adapting to new experiences and cultural mores without the support of their family and friends can result in the student feeling overwhelmed. The initial excitement and anticipation of studying overseas can develop into realising they need extra support.

In comparison, local students can appear confident with their studies and quite relaxed with members of staff. There may be an appearance of easy informality which is at odds with the respect and compliance towards authority figures at home. Apparently casual relationships at work or at their college can make it difficult for the international student to be alert to, and aware of, inappropriate behaviour by a more powerful person.

These challenges can result in some students being vulnerable to being targeted by various types of bullies, but particularly by sexual predators. The student is confused, lost and alone, and a kind, understanding person who appears to be offering support, local knowledge, warmth, friendship and help seems very welcome. 

The goal of sexual predators is to gain the trust of their target in very gradual, apparently safe and inoffensive stages. Every move the predator initially makes may appear normal, but is in fact calculated so that the target becomes increasingly trusting, familiar, comfortable and reliant on the person. If you express doubts or concerns these will be dismissed as worrying too much, being silly, or an over-reaction. Early meetings are designed to calm and allay any suspicion of inappropriate behaviour, but in reality the predator's goal is to manipulate and control.

Signs of inappropriate behaviour
A student or employee shouldn’t meet their manager, teacher or lecturer on the weekend. When you’re lonely, the attraction of going out with someone who “knows the ropes” and offers to take you for coffee and perhaps to an art show could be attractive, however the blurring of boundaries between professional and private life should always be discouraged.

I’ll repeat that, because it’s so important. It is never acceptable for a lecturer, teacher, counsellor or boss to invite you out. There may be meetings where the whole class or team is involved, that's fine. One on one? Never. Interactions between the authority figure and student should always be strictly professional and formal.  

Employees of an organisation should never give you their private business card or encourage you to contact them after hours. There are accepted professional boundaries which have been established for everyone’s safety. Advertising a private business on company time is not allowed. A reputable employee won’t do this.

A teacher or manager shouldn’t touch you and will appologise if this happens unintentionally. There should be professional physical and emotional distance between a person in authority such as teacher and student, or manager and employee.

If you happen to be looking at detailed information on a computer screen this will be arranged so you’re not physically touching. Your knees and hands won’t touch, “accidentally on purpose” and if they do, you won’t be made to feel foolish for complaining or drawing attention to the fact that this is not appropriate. It’s not to be expected, it’s not acceptable and any concern you express should be respected.

If you feel uncomfortable, your discomfort should be taken seriously. You shouldn’t be told you’ve mistaken the intention or have your unease minimised or dismissed. You shouldn't be made to feel confused or be blamed for feeling uncomfortable.  

In an appropriate professional relationship, sexual comments won’t be made, photos of a sexual nature won’t be shown or referred to and there should be no suggestion of being involved in spending time viewing nude art even if that includes attending a reputable art gallery. If this has happened to you, let someone know, perhaps a teacher or co-worker. To clarify, if you’re enrolled in an art class, and the entire group attends an art show as an integral part of the course, that’s acceptable. Being alone with a person in authority or even with one other person in an out of hours situation; no. 

Inappropriate sexual behaviour of this nature is against organisational rules of conduct, and is illegal. Doctors and psychologists can be de-registered if found guilty of misconduct of this nature.

Unfortunately, some counsellors and career counsellors aren't formally registered and choose to disregard accepted standards of professional conduct. 

When you’re lonely and far from home, when you’re unsure of the roles and expectations in your new environment and are comforted by a smiling, reassuring, confident person who makes you feel special, who knows some of your personal details and who offers support and friendship such as coffee and an outing, or visits to shows where there may be nudity, be very wary and concerned. If it appears too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true, and down the line, there could be a distressing cost. 

Sexual predators make friends with people who feel vulnerable, and who don't have a strong support network.  They'll begin by nurturing a relationship which will feel good, reassuring and safe.  Unlike a genuine friendship, the relationship with a predator will slowly change.  You'll start to feel uncomfortable when exposed to inappropriate material and suggestions, and you'll begin to feel emotionally manipulated although his explanations may still appear innocent and plausible. Eventually, there may be overt or subtle blackmail, and your emotions won’t be respected when you try to assert yourself. 

When the boundaries between professional and private life have been blurred by the dominant person, you are unlikely to  have the skills to deal with the experience alone especially if the person is a serial predator. The predator will try to normalise the behaviour and allay your concerns, however there is no excuse for unprofessional conduct and the sooner you seek help, the better.

If you're concerned that you may be the target of a sexual predator at work, at your place of worship or where you're studying, seek help. Talk to other students, teachers, the student union. A discussion with your doctor or a private counsellor who has experience in these issues will be confidential, and there is no shame in seeking help.  Your experiences should be validated and you won't be blamed for what has happened. In many cases, the sexual predator will have a history of similar complaints, possibly going back many years.

The counsellor will give you skills in how to manage the situation and offer ongoing support. If there have been other complaints about a particular person in the organisation, you may be asked for a statement to add to a file of evidence. The best way for these predators to be stopped is to gather evidence from those who've been preyed on. When you talk to someone in authority the pattern of behaviour can be identified over time and action can be taken.

You can feel overwhelmed, alone and crushed by the experience of being targeted by a sexual predator. Seeking help from someone experienced in the area is vital.

...........
David Yamada, who presents excellent information about workplace bullying over at Minding the Workplace, has posted about bullying and sexual harassment of students and cites a study about this resulting in increased alcohol consumption.

There's a bit more on the patterns investigators into bullying and harassment look for here: http://traverselife.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/y-you-can-do-something-if-youre-being.html

Other reasons you might be a target:
http://traverselife.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/w-why-me-personal-and-professional.html.

The serial bully: http://traverselife.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/u-underestimate-unrelenting-workplace.html

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Posted by Sue Travers

On being a little bit dyslexic

This isn't describing just me, but people in your workplace, in the stores you shop at, your friends and online acquaintances.

For dyslexics, somedays everything goes fine, words get spelt right, sentences are formed logically, right and left behave themselves and comply with the accepted norms, numbers get written in the correct order and everything appears to go smoothly.

Nonetheless, I'm careful to proofread, far more times than usually considered necessary. Have I possibly overlooked an errant apostrophe, snuck in to irritate the lurking grammar nazi, ready to pounce with conclusions that I'm lazy, sloppy or even worse, unreliable and not to be trusted because the apostrophe is either there, or not, as the case may be. What a petty way to bestow the word 'reliable' onto someone!

A good and generally keen, willing student, but with occasional lapses in concentration, is how I suspect I was described at school.

I was lucky, I was mostly taught by competent teachers who knew how to encourage me to give my best. I learnt spelling by carefully paced, sequential instruction, each element building on the one before; there was lots, and I mean LOTS of drill, pulling words apart then putting them together again. I enjoyed prefixes and suffices and learning that English is made up of many different languages which have been absorbed through the ages. I still love words and trying to work out their meanings and where they came from by thinking about the different components.

I benefited from having teachers who were on the whole competent and confident in their ability to teach. Even so, I don't always get it right; when writing by hand, p, b, d and q can be interchanged haphazardly and with a certain flair and originality. Spelling can be problematic at times, and sometimes words simply refuse to co-operate. There can be the sense that something is wrong, but I can't see what, yet at other times I'm oblivious to any error, which can be glaringly obvious to others. (Unfortunately maths was a different story and wasn't as well handled by my teachers. I remember being hit for making errors which isn't a great way to get a child to improve.)

However I didn't have to suffer through an ignorant, antagonistic school system while trying to cope with deeply challenging dyslexia or learning difficulty.  Typically you hear: lazy, poor attention to detail, doesn't try, doesn't care, doesn't listen, scatty, should try harder, deliberately careless or the purely cruel tearing up of a child's work in front of the class whilst making scathing comments about quality and appearance of a project.

Maybe there are some little children who deliberately set out each day to do their worst at school. I've never met one though. Most children I've observed and worked with, want to fit in, want to be part of the crowd, don't choose to be humiliated when they've done their darndest to follow instructions to the best of their ability and it all goes pear shaped. They're the ones my heart bleeds for, they're left confused, perplexed, hurt, crushed ... and too often without hope.

A couple of years ago at puppy training class we were instructed to hold the lead in a particular way. I looked at the instructor, looked at my hands. All fine! Good oh, let's get on with the next bit of the class. But no, something is clearly wrong, everyone is waiting patiently. The instructor repeated the instruction, and demonstrated again. I followed along carefully. Then it dawned of me gradually, painfully, that everyone was looking at me - and I had no idea why.

My ears heard the instruction, my eyes saw what to do, but somewhere along the line, my brain twisted the instruction - I saw my hands do a perfect reflection of what everyone else was doing - yet it apparently wasn't correct and I couldn't see what was wrong. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. I knew I'd done everything right, but from the reactions of the instructor and the rest of the class it was obvious that I hadn't got it right.

Even writing about that public display of incompetence makes me feel awkward and humiliated - who knows how those people were judging me? Were they thinking I was being difficult by insisting on being contrary, or did they just think I was thick by being unable to follow a simple instruction? While in this instance it doesn't really matter, in the workplace this kind of experience can have unintended and unfortunate ramifications and is why many dyslexics remain silent about being dyslexic and take extra care and go over details ad nauseam.

Dyslexia can take many different forms. It can affect writing, reading, mathematics and spatial awareness.  It's not a one size fits all condition. Some days everything can run smoothly, others, particularly when you're tired, it can be hugely challenging and frustrating.

Some time ago, I watched a highly intelligent, competent, dyslexic engineer write down a phone number a caller was reciting to him. He repeated the numbers and wrote the same numbers down but in a completely different order, it was only when he repeated them back and was corrected that the mix up became evident to him. Because he's aware this is a difficulty for him he's fastidious about checking for accuracy.

Helpful signs in Parkes NSW

Is it any wonder that with the prejudice surrounding dyslexia that people are reluctant to share the information - one brilliant Australian university professor was fired when he spoke about how he managed his dyslexia. People have reported being overlooked for promotion and treated as lesser human beings; their intelligence is questioned, it's assumed they can't drive - if you can't read, how can you drive?  People with dyslexia or poor literacy can drive, and drive well. You don't have to spell well to navigate or to understand the meanings of signs. Just ask any person who's driven in a foreign country!

Now here's a gentle plea from me to you. Don't be too quick to judge harshly when someone's spelling or grammar is lacking. Tactful, even good natured humor when pointing out an error is kind and generally welcome; the error can then be corrected with the minimum of fuss and embarrassment.

Give people the benefit of the doubt - dyslexics can have a tough time not only at work, but on line. Spell check is great, but can be painstaking in the cut and thrust of online communication and doesn't always work. Some people have been so hurt by their early school experience that they run a mile when they're openly and harshly criticised in forums. Some don't return. That's sad and further alienates a group of people - who could be our workmates, colleagues, friends and neighbours - who have a lot to offer.



Posted by Sue Travers
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Attending the ACT Boot Camp in the USA

I've just been to the USA - well to be honest, just a tiny portion of it, around Reno, Nevada and just a few small areas of California.

Like many professionals, to remain registered with our associations we have to accrue a certain amount of PD (Professional Development) points per annum. This is to show that we're up to date, moving with the times and not allowing dust to gather under our feet. For my association, (the CDAA - Career Development Association of Australia) we can include attending relevant training or conferences, writing articles which are published, reading and mentoring among other things.

I enjoy conferences, it's a great way to meet with colleagues from around the country and share experiences - both the joys and frustrations of our work and learn new things in a concentrated environment.

Training:
This year, however,  I wanted to extend my skills in a specific area, so when information about an ACT Boot Camp in the US appeared in my in-box I was delighted ... except that ... well ... it was in the US, and that's not just down the road. A 15 hour direct flight isn't something to be tackled lightly when you're travelling economy, even when the fares are heavily discounted. That's fifteen, long, boring hours, with crying babies, coughing adults and smoking deprived addicts, cooped up, farting, twitching, and generally desperately wishing they were somewhere else, mostly safely on the ground at their destination. QANTAS is a good airline, but 15 hours is stretching the friendship quite a bit.

But four days of intense training in ACT was extremely attractive! My training so far has been with Dr Russ Harris, (there's more about him, his books and work here) and he's great. But this boot camp would give me the opportunity to meet Dr Steve Hayes and other influential people in the field, learn more, and would be relevant for both my clients and myself.

Core Values:
Encouraging clients to think about their core values is how I work. When you know what's important to you, it provides a solid basis on which to make career and life choices, and ACT is both mindfully and values based. It complements career development for those wanting to make decisions which will support their life goals and values. Perfect!

Four solid days of training were offered, 8:30 am till 9:30 pm, an hour for lunch, and a dinner break of 1 1/2 hours - a couple of meagre tea breaks were included. That's full on! Would I have the stamina to last the distance? I could see why Dr Steve Hayes called it a Boot Camp, even though that's not an expression we use frequently for anything other than extremely demanding exercise classes.

Reno has never been on the short list of places I wanted to visit, but with the Yosemite, Sequoia and Death Valley National Parks not far off, I decided to extend the trip and have a bit of a holiday as well (after all it is such a very long way to travel if you only stay a few days!). This is the land of the TV shows I watched as a child, the wild west, rugged landscapes and familiar place names. (More about this over at jumping aground soon.)

And it was fantastic! More than 360 people attended, mostly from the US, but also from Belgium, France, Israel, South America, Ireland, London and of course Australia!

Casino:
A casino seemed to be an unusual place to hold the training, but the facilities were excellent and we fitted comfortably into the conference room.  I'd rarely go into a casino as they remind me of a large parasite, sucking the lifeblood out of their victims who have been enticed into the lair. The machines seem like voracious pulsating stomach and intestines. This casino was huge; multi levelled, glittery, maze-like, airconditioned and soulless. Few gamblers appeared happy and seemed to be in a zombie like state. I wonder if they go home after a weekend of gambling and eating and say they've had a fantastic time? There must be some attraction I'm missing or the places would go broke and that never seems to happen!

I'm told the Boot Camp attendees stood out like the proverbial sore thumb as appearing very different to the gambling patrons, perhaps it's because many of us not only dressed for comfort and had note books and name badges, but showed complete disinterest in the "attractions" on offer.

But I digress; back to the ACT Boot Camp! There were so many benefits to attending training out of my own country. I didn't know anyone so couldn't take the easy option of sitting with people I already knew. Every person I met was interesting and generously shared information about their work life and the challenges which are so different to what I experience in Australia. The training was structured so that we quickly dropped the facade of "all is well" and shared information about fears, insecurities, and the personal challenges and hurts which affect us all ... we all have some sort of demons to contend with.

Whilst Australia and the US share a common language (more or less), we don't appear to share similar work experiences or opportunities. The bulk of the attendees seemed to be social workers and psychologists working in government departments or institutions of some sort, and I was certainly in the minority being a career counsellor working privately - yet in Australia, this isn't uncommon. It seems that the closest work title to being a career counsellor for adults would be a life coach. Specific career development discussions seem to be provided mostly for students or through companies providing outplacement services for redundant workers (a term that was considered quite harsh by the Americans) or for veterans (who we refer to as returned service personnel).

I talked with those at my shared table about how I already use ACT in career development work with my clients. Much of what I learnt at the Boot Camp is applicable to people who are unhappy in their careers, who are the targets of bullying, seeking a new direction or who are uncertain about course choices - it's definitely not only for people struggling with PTSD, addictions or abuse, although it's been consistently shown to be of benefit to those groups.

I'm glad I went. ACT complements career development beautifully. I've extended my skills, met some wonderful welcoming people, shared information, hopes and dreams as well as personal challenges and learnt more than I dreamed was likely or possible. I've been enriched by the training as well as the travel experience - for all my initial questions about the value of attending overseas training, it was a worthwhile investment!

wikipedia information on ACT
A non-academic article about ACT by Dr Russ Harris here




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Redundancy hurts

I’ve heard some fabulous stories about people who’ve been made redundant: The vision of an older man, skipping between desks while stressed workmates hunch over mounds of paperwork, shouting “Yes! I’m leaving! I’m out of here!” is one I won’t forget in a while!

For many people, however, the reality of redundancy is very different.

Teachers and academics who have loved their workplace and invested years of time and energy to improving outcomes for students, and who are living through the erosion of a once proud institution, suffer.

The pain of redundancy applies equally to many other career people who’ve dedicated their lives to a particular sector, whether they be health care or emergency workers, government employees, or blokes in the steel or motor industries.

They’ve often seen the writing on the wall, and are aware that things are changing, long before jobs begin to go in a structured formal way. Budget cuts, departments being amalgamated, a sense that the story isn’t being told in an open and honest way, create a sense of unease that is hard to shake.

There can be a deep sorrow for the loss of all you’ve worked for, which can’t be eradicated by being told to “look for another job”. This hasn’t been just a job. It’s been a career, an integral part of your life for years – that isn’t something caring, dedicated employees shake off with a single outplacement session.

Our identities are often shaped around our worklife. Our work leads to getting up at a particular time, our commute, where and with whom we have lunch, what we discuss, argue about; the banter and camarederie. The loss of the familiarity and routine and in particular the loss of colleagues can result in grief. This needs to be acknowledged, not dismissed by the outplacement service provider.

Some employees find that their shaken world view has been ignored or overlooked by outplacement services designed to “Sit them down, tell them what they need to know, check the resume, give some job hunting tips, and get them out ready for the next one.” Whilst that might be satisfactory for some, there are others who exit that type of interview shattered. I’ve seen tough blokes, as well as strong women, desolate and weeping after such an experience. This type of interview is nothing like an in-depth career counselling session and it would be better for all if it wasn't presented as such.

The sterile interview experienced by too many redundant workers, is functional, regimented, routine and leaves them without hope, feeling that somehow they are to blame for not being ready to move on immediately.

When there’s significant change, we can experience confusion about our role and identity. Self-esteem can be deeply shaken. Questions emerge which may never have been thought about before: Who will I become? What is important? Who do I want to be? What do I value? How do I want to contribute in the future?

“Sometimes our history limits our imaginations”. 
We may need help to see opportunities, rather than believing that what we’ve worked at, is all we can ever do. Not everyone has the luxury to take time off to ponder these issues. However putting aside time to let your brain go into free fall without pressuring yourself with “I have to decide by…” or “I’ve got to start applying for new jobs immediately”, “I’m only trained to do this, I can’t do anything else” can allow you to be open to unexpected, interesting and new ways of thinking about the issue.

It really is time well spent.

..........
If you or someone you know has come out of an outplacement interview which has been less than satisfactory, please encourage them to seek assistance and support elsewhere - not all services are the same. If the service is provided by the exiting company, please let HR know it wasn't suitable. They're paying good money for these services, and our employees who are being made redundant deserve an appropriate level of support. Feeling shattered, useless and unheard should not be part of the deal.

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Learning difficulties in adults.

This is a re-write of a post from 2010.

I often think about all the inspiring, creative, intelligent and above all courageous people I've had the privilege of working with over the years.

There were the street kids, with drug and alcohol issues, the kids and adults with learning difficulties, the kids (now men and women with their own children) who'd been expelled from school the instant schools could get rid of them, and who were returning to study, absolutely terrified of suffering in the system again, the mums returning to study after being at home for years and feeling they'd lost their inner being - didn't know who they were any more, the young teenage mums unsure about how they'd be accepted.  Successful men who felt like failures.

I'm going to share the story about my involvement with Ricky, who has given me permission to use his real name. I wish I had a 'before' and 'after' picture of him to share. You'll see why soon.

Ricky consulted me in my role as study skills teacher at a post secondary college, located in the city of Dandenong which has a mix of over 150 different nationalities, many of them refugees proudly wearing their traditional dress around campus. He'd been advised to seek help as he was struggling hopelessly with the written aspects of the course he'd hesitantly enrolled in to improve his job prospects. 

Facing his fears
I'm not a particularly threatening looking person, I'm short and have been described as approachable, warm and "motherly". But Ricky was terrified. Terrified of me, terrified of the situation he'd got himself into, terrified I'd laugh at him and his difficulties. Terrified of being in such a foreign environment - in a library in an educational facility. But he came along anyway. Courage? You bet!

I've never seen anyone shaking with fear before, but shake Ricky did. It was clearly visible from a distance. I'm sure if he'd been a bony kind of person I'd have heard them clattering.

Why was Ricky in such a state? Here was a mature man, lovingly married, deeply involved in his church, steadily employed, kind and compassionate. Over the few months we worked together he shared some of his story.

He was "a failure", "hopeless", "useless", "a loser". He'd been told from a very young age that he'd never make anything of himself. These words were used on a little kid by both his parents and teachers.

Who says "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Wrong, wrong, wrong. Cruel words, vicious words, undermining words, can affect people for life, can suck hope from them for ever. Words are powerful, and need to be used with respect for the power they have.

"When did you get lost?"
I asked him when he'd begun losing his way at school. It's a question I often ask, and regularly the answer is grade one or two.

"Grade one" was Ricky's answer.

Can you imagine what that's like? Not understanding what's going on in class, seeing your mates doing things you can't, being bewildered, confused, perplexed, week after week, month after month, year after seemingly endless year. Constantly feeling stupid and ashamed when you find the courage to ask, yet again, if the teacher could please repeat an instruction or explanation. Heaven help the child with an irritable, impatient teacher - they naturally give up asking for help. No wonder these kids feel like failures. 

So there I was with Ricky in that first session. His first 'confession' - "I've never been in a library" (apart from walking through one to meet with me). "Easy peasy" I say, "let's discover this one now!" And so it went from there, exploring, discovering, celebrating. It was exciting!

And as happens when working with an enthusiastic student, the learning went both ways. I was humbled by his tenacity, in awe of his dedication to learning, and grateful that we'd been assigned to each other. In short, I was privileged to have met and worked with such a student.

Oh, and you may ask: if Ricky was such a good student, why hadn't he managed at school?

Learning difficulties
Ricky had an undiagnosed learning difficulty. He has an unusual hearing loss, he's not deaf as such, but hears sounds differently (auditory processing disorder or APD). In addition, he is dyslexic. He wasn't (and isn't) dumb. He just couldn't follow what was happening in class the same way as other kids - he needed a different teaching style.

And the before and after picture? From a quivering mess on that first meeting to our final session; confident, assured, walking tall, and proud of his ability to present a report for his course and workplace.

Ricky was a man with courage to face his worst fears and overcome them. There are many other Ricky's out there, men and women whose lives can be turned around, who feel like failures and discover they aren't. The discovery that they can learn and be productive members of society affects their immediate families and can change the course of their family history. The debilitating and costly affects of stress and depression can be offset as these students realise their worth.  Our communities benefit, as does our society as a whole. It's a small investment with a massive payoff.

Update
This is one of the outstanding programmes which I'm told will be severely curtailed due to the vicious funding cuts to the TAFE sector by the Victorian Baillieu government. For less than $2000 (the approximate cost of my sessional work with Ricky) a student who had low self esteem, had no idea how to write a report and little possibility of advancing in his workplace was transformed to a confident, able and desirable employee. It's not that I was brilliant, I'm not.

It's simply taking time and working from where the student is and translating knowledge into a form that they understand. It's being a mediator, a gate opener. It's being caring, respectful and trusting in their ability to learn.

People who are at the bottom of the ladder, who have challenges that often simply require one on one assistance for a few hours a week for a couple of months to achieve remarkable success, are again relegated to the scrap heap in the name of cost cutting and efficiency.

The doors are firmly closing on many people, and education seems to be increasingly only for those with the understanding of how to access it, and the financial ability to afford the steeply rising fees.

This destruction is being carefully packaged and slickly presented in the name of progress. And the people of Victoria are meant to go along with the pretence that the removal of courses and services is an improvement.

Are there adults in your life with leaning difficulties? How do they manage? Were they supported adequately at school, at work?

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Climate Matters. Q is for Quadruple bottom line

This post is for Q in the A-Z Blogging Challenge 2012. Link in the Sidebar.


For many years large businesses focused only on the bottom line accounting practice of returning a profit for their shareholders, often at the expense of their employees and local communities. Acting with integrity, and responding to moral, social, cultural and environmental responsibilities had frequently fallen by the wayside.

The triple bottom line refers to the practise of including three aspects: environmental balance, social inclusion and economic growth, to describe a sound business model.

The quadruple bottom line includes culture. 
More recently however, there is a growing awareness of the need for businesses to achieve economic, social and cultural growth without irreversibly damaging the ecological systems that support that growth. Culture is recognised as the fourth pillar of corporate responsibility in a sustainable business model and is considered to be where values, meaning and purpose in life originate and gel, to form a healthy society.

Whilst this model began in the government sector, businesses at the forefront of its adoption are working towards being sustainable and responsible by looking towards a future where growth in one area creates positive benefits in all areas. They are aware that it's valuable for employees, shareholders and management to acknowledge that they're part of something bigger than themselves.

Sustainable development is often referred to as “development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs.” Increasingly local businesses and councils are leading the way in proactively addressing climate change and sustainability. They’re taking responsibility for the environment through waste minimisation, energy analysis and taking an interest in social and cultural responsibility to increase morale, reduce absenteeism and improve overall work performance. In short, they find that these efforts increase efficiency and productivity and therefore increase the bottom line, not decrease it!

Ideally, governments worldwide will begin to confidently pursue cultural responsibility through good governance and a wider understanding of people's needs, desires and goals in life. This would undoubtedly facilitate wise and effective long term planning rather than focusing on the short period between elections.

Of interest is recent research showing that businesses offering Mindfulness Meditation or similar training for their employees is having a positive benefit. Employees have found that spending time on these practices increases job satisfaction, enhances focus, decreases absenteeism and the number of job related accidents, decreases stress and generally improves their lives both on and off the job. The research “presents compelling evidence that mindfulness-based practices may be a fruitful addition to organisational wellness programes.” (Glomb et al)

Businesses thinking more holistically are addressing new ways to produce services and products with an eye on our collective futures. They -

1. Recognise the human needs of employees, stakeholders and all other parties the business impacts on 

2. Protect the environment and are aware of the needs of all communities impacted by the company 

3. Use natural resources wisely 

4. Accept that constant growth may not be possible or desirable for the long term viability of the company.  

In these ways everyone involved with the company feels part of something with a higher purpose and vision than just making money. The company doesn’t extract value from employees or the environment, it adds value, and as a consequence all stakeholders are more deeply engaged and committed to ensuring the companies long term success.

Last year I wrote about the Qualities we instil in our children for Q for my theme of workplace bullying. Here and Quinces here.
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Exams - failure is in the eye of the beholder

What are we doing to our young people going into the exam period?

Too many teachers and parents add pressure by ranting and raving about failure, implying that life isn’t worth living if you don’t pass the final secondary school, or university exams. Tragically, some students take this to heart and choose to end their lives. I can’t begin to express the sorrow and grief I experience every time I hear of a young life lost, particularly at exam time.

I wonder if they felt it was impossible for them to live up the expectations, hopes and dreams of those around them. If they were aware that they hadn't worked as relentlessly and hard as they could and had felt that taking their own life was better than facing the shame of failing an exam. I wonder if they had heard, (hopefully mistakenly) and taken to heart, that to fail an exam equates to being a failure as a human being.

Knowing the remote, but possibly tragic consequences of this extremely limited view of success; why is it that when a young person is coming up to the exams, teachers, parents and the news machines put more and more pressure on them?

From the in your face shouting and barrage of demeaning and demoralizing slurs on character, to outright predictions that “You’ll fail if you keep that up” the pressure is unwarranted and undermining on an often fragile self esteem.

I wonder if anyone involved really believes the students have no idea about the enormity of the perceived importance of the final exams. After all, it's been relentlessly hammered into them for years. "If you think this is hard, just wait till you do your *VCE" and "This is going to be the hardest year of your life".

I’ve chosen the words in the above paragraph carefully … Perceived importance.

Worst-case scenario: The student fails the exam.
Of course teachers may see this as a negative reflection on their teaching ability. The school may see it as a negative reflection on it and the teacher. Their ranking may go down, and they may not be seen as so prestigious. The parent may see it as a negative reflection on their parenting. The student might not get into the course they dreamed of. Their pride may have been dented, but the student never was, and never will be a worthless human because they failed an exam.

The student is NOT a failure; they have failed to answer the questions that were asked on that particular exam on that particular day. This is not a direct reflection on their worth as people. The world does not and will not end. It does not and never will make them bad people, undeserving of respect, tolerance, compassion. It does not mean they won’t go on to live lives that are rich, full and meaningful. It does not mean that they won’t go on to satisfying and successful further study in years to come. It is not a prediction about the rosiness of anyone’s future.

Exam results don't predict life achievements
Failing an exam could mean all sorts of things about the student’s stress levels, study habits, adverse outside influences – all sorts of things, but never is it, nor should it be used as a threat to predict a life that won’t be worth living.

As a teacher or parent, you should never make dire negative predictions about any student’s future – it’s cruelly undermining, often leads to loss of confidence and an inability to perform as well as possible. It rarely encourages a student to work harder and should never be used as a tactic – it’s heartless and vindictive, especially when accompanied with shouted, in your face putdowns.

In addition, no one has that fictitious crystal ball. We don't know. We can't predict the future. We're not seers, soothsayers or psychics. Many inspiring citizens have failed exams and gone on to be publicly revered. Please don't ignore their contribution in the push for impressive exam results.

As a long time teacher, counsellor and facilitator at tertiary institutions I’ve seen the result of undermining, toxic, vicious and cruel comments made by teachers and parents up to thirty and forty years after the event. Comments hissed under the breath, laced with venom, or shouted publicly, openly in front of a class.  Unfortunately many students take to heart and believe what powerful adults tell them. These comments stay with people, creating churning, nagging doubt and too often a profound sense of hopelessness.

Is that what we want for any young person taking their first steps into the adult world?

I’ve worked extensively with competent, yet academically insecure, nervous adults. Wonderful people, contributing generously to their communities, yet their underlying self esteem is in tatters as they’ve suffered at school with a powerful teacher who has glibly, possibly thoughtlessly or flippantly predicted that they won’t amount to anything. The teacher might not even remember, if they do, they might say: "I didn't mean anything by it, they were just words to get them studying harder."

Just words?
Words are powerful tools, used to inspire, encourage and support, but also to control, dominate or insult. "You're hopeless, you won't amount to anything" - what a cruel prediction, surely designed to erode confidence.

I've seen smart students with undiagnosed learning difficulties who, at school, had been publicly ridiculed, shamed, belittled and taunted for being unable to produce a single page of written work. As adults they are desperate to prove that they’re as good as those who can spell accurately and put sentences together easily.

These people are NOT failures. They contribute to the richness of our communities.

They are our families - they are sons and daughters, cousins, aunts and uncles, mums and dads, grandmas and grandpas.

The last exams of secondary school are part of life, one step. One small step in the path of many, many steps. The exams may be important, they may make it easier to gain immediate entry into university. But 'success' as a wholesome, interesting, intelligent, worthwhile human being does not and never will rest on achieving a high grade at the final exams in secondary school (or university for that matter).

What's been your experience with exam pressure?

The following link to youthbeyondblue.com has some excellent fact sheets on depression. Link here. Please seek help if you think you're depressed or need assistance with exam technique.  

If you know anyone who might benefit from this reminder about the place of exams as a predictor of life success, please post the link to FB or share in some way.


thanks

Sue

* VCE/HSC/SACE etc are the final exams at Australian secondary schools. They are scored and used as a basis for entry to many university and tertiary courses.

Graffiti art on the side of a building in Berlin. 2009.

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Why are people rude?

What does your private communication with your followers or clients say about you?

I’m going to confess to two scenarios where I made an error when referring to someone hosting a blogging challenge. No big deal you might think, but it got me thinking ...

The first: I published a post where I got the gender of someone hosting a blog challenge incorrect.

The second: via email, where I referred to a co-host of a blog challenge incorrectly, using their last name as if it was the first name.

In the first instance, the error was tactfully brought to my attention and fixed promptly.

In the second, the return email inferred that I was not only lazy in not checking the order of the first and last names more carefully and bluntly stated that I was not giving the co-host the attention they deserved.

In the first instance I felt I was seen as a human being with failings that were accepted. It could also have been acknowledgement that ‘people get my first and last names mixed up all the time’, or even, ‘silly woman, didn’t she see the very masculine photo on my blog, it’s obvious I’m not female!’ I felt a bit silly, but it was all fixed with a minimum of fuss.

In the second instance the message was that I’m a sloppy, careless person who shows a lack of respect. I can apologise of course, but at the moment feel that further communication isn’t going to achieve much - I feel that I have been judged and found to be inadequate.

I then began reflecting on the reasons people make ‘mistakes’ that may on first glance appear to be careless and how in all our communication we reflect aspects of ourselves, which can sometimes be misconstrued.

But deeper than that, the response got me thinking about my personal work and how I respond to emails and phone calls. Am I generous in my dealings with clients? Do I give them the attention they deserve?

Of course many of us are time poor. Life gets pretty busy with work, family, friends, blogging and all the complexities of life. Sometimes we aren’t as careful as might be ideal, but if added to that was the pressure to be perfect in our communication, would we get anything done? Do I respect this when I receive an awkwardly worded email?

I'm slightly dyslexic, and don't always notice errors of reversals and misspellings. Am I tolerant of misspellings by others?

How does living with chronic pain affect your communication? If you’re recovering from a medical procedure, and the after effects of an anaesthetic, how does that affect your ability to communicate, and the way others perceive you?

People live with ADD, ADHD; there are connections in the brain and body that make concentration difficult, even alien. Many people who communicate with us are functioning as best they can, some will be suffering the effects of low or fragile self-esteem, having been bullied at home or work. How does this sound in an email or tentative phone call? Do I remember to 'read between the lines'?

How much courage does it take for someone to make the first tentative step to call for an appointment? If it’s taken 6 months, could my response set them back even further, perhaps never to seek help again?

Do I judge before I think? 

And perhaps equally as important, do I allow myself to make mistakes, or do I bully myself for being less than perfect?

It's always interesting to see where thoughts lead - I'm almost grateful for what at first seemed an inconsiderate, rude and condescending email.

Q: What do you think? Has illness or some other life event affected how you communicate? How have others responded to you?


**I'll be away for a few weeks in China, and due to their restrictions will be unable to access Blogger or post replies. I look forward to catching up with you all when I return.

I've shared a couple of photos of Macau over at jumping aground - link here.

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Breathe with awareness

I've been dipping into "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris, and I'd like to share a couple of paragraphs about the importance of breathing. It sounds odd doesn't it; but as I said the other day, breathing with awareness can assist beneficially in all sorts of difficult situations.

Russ is talking about a client whose husband and child died in a car crash and how waves of sadness wash over her which trigger a strong desire to drink heavily. She eventually finds that remembering to take even one deep breath can make a difference. "It gave her a few precious seconds to realise what was happening. Then she could make a conscious choice as to whether or not she would act on that urge."

Sometimes she still chose to drink heavily, but over time, she found that by remembering to be aware of her breathing, she was able to make more decisions to drink less (which she knew wasn't helping her recover). Eventually the desire had less control over her, and she felt more in control of her life. She was still extremely sad, but not overwhelmed and out of control with heavy drinking.

Further on he talks about what to do when you're in a crisis.

"No matter how bad the situation you're in, no matter how much pain you may be suffering, start by taking a few deep breaths. If you're breathing, you know you're alive. And as long as you're alive, there's hope. Taking a few breaths in the midst of a crisis gives you valuable time to get present, to notice what's happening and how you're responding and to think about what effective action you can take. Sometimes there is no immediate action to take. In this case, being present and accepting what you are feeling is the most effective action."

I suspect that many people who are suffering from PTSD can relate to the situation above. I really like the last two sentences; "Sometimes there is no immediate action to take. In this case, being present and accepting what you are feeling is the most effective action." It sounds simple, but it may not be easy.

Tidal River. Wilsons Promontory. Victoria.

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N. Nurses and other nice people. Workplace bullying

The caring and voluntary sectors are rife with serial bullies who find the endless supply of vulnerable clients and vulnerable workers irresistible. Many people in the caring professions have vulnerabilities (developed from suffering their own pain) which provide them with the high levels of empathy necessary for specialist client care; these vulnerabilities also mean that such people are ripe for control, manipulation and punishment which are favourite pursuits of the serial bully.   (from bullyonline)

Many of the caring sector workplaces are chronically understaffed and rely on agency casuals to fill shifts. This leaves the ongoing staff with the extra responsibility of constantly explaining procedures to new workers who have no commitment to the specific workplace.

They report being overworked, unsupported, and discouraged from providing the level of care that patients require. Anecdotally nurses say they believe that all too frequently 'accidents' happen due to the time constraints that are covered up to save 'the good reputation' of the facility.

"Caring" workplaces all too often don't care for their own employees adequately.
(Photo: East Side Gallery. Berlin. 2009)

Nurses who speak out are often bullied and given the least desirable shifts week after week. The situation is extremely demoralizing. Nurses go into the profession because they care, but are squeezed out; hurt, frustrated and angry. The financial and personal costs from bullying in the health care sector are  enormous.

Highly trained, competent and caring staff leave because they are so concerned at the short cuts that are being taken and the inadequate patient care. In neo-natal units nurses have discussed their concern at how babies and parents are treated, and in some cases they are also on the receiving end of highly emotional and aggressive parents with little or no support for their own suffering.

Nurses have discussed violence in operating theaters with doctors physically abusing junior (and not so junior) staff.  How dare anyone question their competence! Speaking out is considered to be undermining the department, with cases of malpractice going unreported for months, because staff are intimidated into keeping quiet.

Not only are nurses vulnerable due to the chronic understaffing, but become targets from management determined to cut costs by whatever means available. This has been noted in many other industries where 'the bottom line' holds more sway than professional service, all too often putting the consumers at risk.

Recently (April 2011) pilots at one of the Australian airlines complained about fatigue from long shifts and night flying. These were bluntly dismissed, with the pilots being told to "toughen up princesses ... you're tired and can't be bothered going to work". (Link here.) As a sometime passenger on long haul flights, I can confidently say I'd prefer that pilots are well rested before flying. I wonder about the culture in the industry, and whether profit or safety is a higher priority, particularly when the economy is stressed.

Northern New South Wales

Here tomorrow: Obstructive


I'd like to thank San over at Informed Sharing for her perceptive review of my blogs. I am not only honoured, but humbled that the information I share at traverselife and the fun I have with words at JumpingAground has been acknowledged so thoughtfully and generously. Thankyou San.


Click here to find out how to do a hyperlink signature.


There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.

Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration, often with an environmental theme.
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B is for Bullying. A - Z Blogging Challenge

How to recognize Bullying behaviour at work. 


Many of these examples can be a part of everyday work life.  They can be described as bullying when there is a consistent, sustained pattern over time that isn't altered when the bully is alerted to the unacceptable nature of the comment or behaviour.

• Abusive, insulting or offensive language
• Behaviour or language that frightens, humiliates, belittles or degrades, including yelled criticism
• Belittling your contributions 
• Constant nit-picking and faultfinding, attempts to undermine
• Displaying material that is degrading or offending
• Distorting your comments
• Deadlines changed without informing you
• Degrading comments
• Enlisting others to question and undermine your contributions, being Excluded
• Falsifying documents purported to be from you, constant Fault finding
• Going to a supervisor to cast doubts on your work
• Hiring another less qualified person to squeeze you out
• Information may be passed on too late for action
• Ignoring and Isolating
• Intruding on a person’s space by pestering, spying or tampering with their personal effects or work equipment
• Jokes at your expense that aren't funny
• Leave is often refused
• Making threats either veiled or subtly, being given Menial tasks
• Misrepresentation of your ideas or contributions, being marginalized
• Never being adequately supported
• Overloading with work, may be given menial tasks, or constant night and weekend shifts
• your work may be Plagiarised
• Pestering
• Questioning your motives, work habits, reliability, emotional state
• Refusal to acknowledge your contribution
• Responsibilities may be increased without adequate remuneration or recognition
• Spreading gossip, rumours and innuendo of a malicious nature
• Being Singled out and treated differently
• Teasing or regularly making you the brunt of practical jokes
• Threats that if you complain, disciplinary action will be taken
• Trivializing your contributions
• Tampering with your personal effects
• Undermining your position, status, worth and value. Unjustified criticism
• Unreasonable expectations
• Unfair treatment in relation to accessing workplace entitlements, such as leave or training
• using Value laden comments to discredit you
• Work equipment may be hidden, locked away. You may need to grovel to gain access to it
• Yelling, in private, or in front of others

How to recognise bullying behaviour at school:

• may be academically below average
• aggressive, physically strong, willing to resort to violence
• attention-seeking 
• thrives on control and dominance 
• cowardly
• poor communication skills 
• disrespectful and contemptuous of other children and adults
• divisive, dysfunctional, disruptive
• may have a dysfunctional home life
• lacks empathy
• envious
• exploits others
• needs to impress
• immature in behaviour and emotions
• insecure
• lies frequently
• needs to be respected but can't distinguish between "respect" and "fear"
• does not accept responsibility
• poor social skills
• low self-esteem
• thinks it fun to torment and hurt children who are less physically strong 
• uncaring

Tomorrow, I'll look at the Climate in which the bully operates and touch on the Courage needed to stand up to a bully.

The book Working with Mean Girls by Meredith fuller is an excellent resource for both men and women experiencing bullying at work. There are also useful tips for students. Review here.

There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. The Facebook group eBossWatch (here) regularly posts links to articles and information on workplace bullying. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites.


If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.


Over at jumping aground I'm spending the month playing with alliteration.
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A teacher's legacy

The following rant is my grumpy reaction to David L Macaulay's recent stream of consciousness post where he talks about a teacher: "He bawled at me to look at my tables book and I buried my head in it, so deeply that I wasn't coming up for air. Suddenly the light was cut off again and I realized in horror I had missed the cue to put my book down."  You'll find the whole post here: (Brits in the USA).


I felt quite distressed when I read this, and was compelled to respond.  In no way am I implying that what follows is a reflection on David, his life or experiences.

Working as a Study Skills teacher I've supported many students keen to gain the education they missed when they were young. I've heard countless heart-wrenching stories from mature adults dreadfully hurt and wary of the school system, which in their experience was unsupportive. Then there are the refugees, finally finding safety far from their country of birth, confused, misunderstood and perplexed about our local culture and language, yet desperately trying to fit in and find a productive role to play in their new home.

I acknowledge that there are extremely challenging students that teachers face daily. Some are certainly very, very difficult kids. It's no excuse though. We need to do better. Better teacher training, more appropriate resources, better facilities ... the list goes on and on, forever maybe, but our education systems desperately need to improve to benefit all learners.

Governments in countries where it's affordable, need to be generous is their response to the needs of children and schools; the individual students, their families, their classrooms, our diverse communities, and our countries will reap the benefits - not just for one generation, but for many years to come.

The following quote from the  Winter 2011 edition of 'Brain World' captures beautifully the awesome power of a teacher. As I've noted before (here) and which you can read in many articles, such as this one appearing in Life's a Poodle, the power of a teacher can be used for good or ill.  It sometimes seems that too many teachers become complacent (or were always ignorant) about their impact on fragile lives, and this forgetting has ramifications for years to come.

"I have come to a frightening conclusion." writes Haim Ginott, in his book Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-child Communication (Three Rivers Press, 2003). "I am the decisive element in the classroom. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I posses tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child de-humanized or humanized."

I'd like that quote to be writ large and for all teachers to read it before they enter a classroom; to reflect again at the end of each day, asking "How well did I perform today?" "How can I improve tomorrow?" and if they need help and support to achieve that aim, for that help to be readily, generously and uncritically available.

and in another part of the magazine:

Parents and teachers make learning more memorable for children not by threats of punishment but by bonding their thinking and learning with their emotions. There are two consequences of punishment - both negative- that should be kept clearly in mind:

First, when stressed, people show a heightened amount of activity in the amygdala... During these stressful episodes, there is a reduction in higher-order ... activity... in the regions of the brain responsible for generating complex intelligent solutions.

The negative impact of fear on learning
Basically, you can't think clearly if you've got a large, powerful person standing over you, threatening verbally, and being intimidating by their sheer furious presence or shouting. Equally frightening can be vicious, under the breath threats uttered in a hissing tone. 

During one of my study skills classes with a group of adults who I'd been working with for some weeks, we, as a group decided to do a role play. I introduced and explained the scenario above, and after extensive discussion and gaining the permission of the entire class, including the student who'd volunteered to play the child being growled at, we role-played this scenario: 

I (on the short side) stood over the seated adult male student and shouted at him (not loudly, I'm not good at and don't enjoy role plays). He was a large bloke. Standing, he towered over me. After this short, pretend outburst, the group, including the "victim" discussed their reactions at length. 

The effect is sobering. A short person, in a position of perceived power, is intimidating, even when the students are adults, and even when the group is prepared and knows what's going to happen.

The observers in the class discussed how they also felt afraid, not only for the victim, but on the off-chance they would be targeted next. They wanted to fade away. This group trusted and respected me. Imagine if they had reason to fear me.

Angry parents
The parents among them were convinced they'd remember this class when they wanted to shout at their own children. They said they really understood how frightening they'd appear to their children when they're angry - the impact was so powerful, and they felt so powerless.

I want teachers, parents and employers to remember this: No one learns well when they're being yelled at.

Pay attention!

Second, students and children are frequently and unfairly admonished for "not paying attention". Their little brains are processing over four billion bits of information every single second! So they are paying attention to a myriad of things; the teacher, the parent or the lecture just don't happen to be among them at the moment. However, once the content is made personally relevant, we have their undivided attention."

And remember, we're not talking about kids who have a difficult home life here, just regular kids, no learning difficulties, no dyslexia, no ADD or ADHD, or Auditory Processing Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorder - nothing out of the ordinary. How much more difficult is learning for the kids who need additional help and understanding?

We can do so much to support students in their learning. Huge amounts of research have been conducted into how to create a learning environment that supports all students. We know how to improve outcomes for all students - and cutting funding isn't the way. 

Sadly, I'm not confident of positive change to our education system any time to soon.

John Medina's "brain rules" has lots of accessible, relevant, easy to read nerdy stuff about the brain, or visit www.brainrules.net

For a great read on schooling in Pakistan and how vital schooling is in underdeveloped countries, (indeed for the whole world) borrow or buy "Three  Cups of Tea. One Man's Mission to Promote Peace ... One School at a Time" Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.

  

I think I'm off my soapbox for now, but I need a 'post rant' cup of tea.

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