Illness strikes 'the Report'

Isn’t it frustrating when something goes wrong with Blogger. If you’re like me you fumble around trying to see if it’s something obvious, grumble a LOT, then in desperation head off to the Help Forum to see if others have had the same issue. More often than not, an unknown person, usually operating under a pseudonym, will take up your question and do their best to help us fix the problem.

Sometime last year, I was extremely frustrated by a Blogger issue that I knew would be obvious to someone in the know. So being the sort of person who insists that “the only stupid question is the one you don’t ask” thought I’d better hightail it to the forum for help.

My confusion was sorted with the minimum of fuss.

It’s easy to forget that the help forum is “staffed” by real people who want to share their knowledge and contribute positively to the blogging community. They are unpaid, often unacknowledged, and, I suspect, rarely thanked.

One Blogger Help Forum bloke (who I’ve never met in person) has provided me with a great deal of technical support. the Report is peppered with outstanding Blogger information, good screenshots and explanations - that for the most part I can understand!

Unfortunately, Bob of the Report (and around 30 - yes you read that right, thirty - other blogs) has had an Ischemic stroke, and is pretty much out of action for the moment. I’m sure he’ll be working his guts out to overcome the problems he’s being faced with and will show the same focus on contributing to his own recovery as he’s shown in helping us overcome Bloggers irritating glitches.

Bob is very frustrated, not only by being unable to contribute on the Help Forum or write any posts, but because he can’t communicate as he’d like to. He hasn’t suffered any obvious paralysis, but finds typing excruciatingly slow and difficult. He has trouble interpreting words and his fingers simply won’t hit the keys he wants them to.

I’m sure that anybody who has dipped into Roberto’s Report or been helped by Bob on the Help Forum will agree that Bob has contributed significantly to easing the frustrations we experience with Blogger all too often. His help will be sorely missed, but he assures me he'll be back as soon as possible - "Good onya Bob!"

I just want to thank Bob for all his help. And so, Bob, thanks from me and from all the other people in blogland for sharing your expertise so generously. I'm sure we all wish you a full and speedy recovery.

Get well soon Bob, keep exercising, and look after yourself.

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X. The 'X' factor - why some people act with integrity and others don't - Workplace bullying

The 'X' factor

Why some people go to ground and others act with strength integrity and support the target.

Those who so stand up to bullies, whether by surviving the assault, as whistle blowers or by adding evidence to the growing file against the serial bully are showing courage, determination and integrity. Their motives are as varied as the people. Some say "It's wrong, I have no choice" others " I'm not  prepared to compromise my own values and watch this wrongdoing, I don't want to, but it's necessary", others "If I don't do something, who will?" and on workplace sexual predators "I want people like this ousted so my daughters never have to put up with this evil".  One client said "Management have allowed this to go on for over ten years. Most people stay a maximum of a couple of months then leave. I'm going to fight it." Some simply want the world to be a better, more harmonious place.

East Side Gallery. Berlin. 2009

Too few onlookers have the courage and strength to stand up against bullying, harassment and corruption. Many otherwise good people turn a blind eye in the presence of an aggressor, particularly a devious, manipulative and possibly charming one. They may feel vulnerable themselves, and are relieved that they have been spared the trauma and are glad they can sit back and watch the unfolding drama. Some may even feel guilty for being complicit in the charade of protecting a serial bully. To speak out may force them to face their own inadequacies.

Understanding of bullying is improving, but too many uninvolved onlookers still state the target should have been stronger and stood up for themselves. I've often heard the phrase: "if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen", or "that person was so weak they left".

Some colleagues will say "I didn't know what to do" (so they don't do anything) or deny having been present when the bullying occurred. Turning a blind eye is less stressful, and at least it keeps the focus off them. They choose not to see what is happening.

Others will refuse to assist in providing supportive evidence when invited, possibly adding to an "us and them" culture and creating divisions in the department that are may be difficult to heal.  I recently heard the statement: "I was curious to see how the new person would handle x" (x being the department bully) much the same as if this was a bit of a game. This same person enjoyed being an onlooker at school when there were fights, and appeared to get some pleasure from the exchanges.  It reminded me of the descriptions of the Roman Circus where people were fed to the lions in front of thousands of enthusiastic spectators or when watching a hanging was considered a fine form of entertainment.

In instances of sexual predators, some colleagues will try to normalise the bullying attacks as "Oh you must have misunderstood, I'm sure he didn't mean it", or "He's a sad and lonely man, I feel sorry for him"  and by implication you should too. No, a serial bully should be exposed and held to account no matter what prestigious position they hold. Normalising the behaviour encourages the bully to continue unabated and immune from censure. Silence equals consent in the eyes of the bully, and when there is a perceived power differential, they'll use this for their own end, confident that the weaker person will remain silent. Co workers can be a life line for the target.

In environments where the bullying is deeply entrenched, it may be regarded as "normal" behaviour. Where employees have not experienced a genuinely normal work environment, they are conned into believing this is how all workplaces operate. When they eventually leave they express astonishment at how much stress they were under and how they had come to accept the bullying as something that happened in all workplaces.

Unless you have experienced serial bullying yourself, or know someone who has, it may be incomprehensible to understand the level of torment dished out relentlessly and maliciously day after day, month after month. If you're in a workplace where a bully operates, think about what small contribution you could make either to expose the bullying behaviour, or to support the target. Sharing stories, supporting the target, kind words and networking with other like minded people - the smallest effort is so much better than choosing to condone behaviour which is completely unacceptable.

These words on part of the Berlin Wall at the East Side Gallery
are also appropriate in tackling workplace bullying.

Why else do onlookers stand against bullying?

What other support can they give a bullied colleague of friend?

Here tomorrow Y: You. What you can do?

There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. eBossWatch on Facebook has links to current articles and discussion. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.

Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration.

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V. Vulnerable. Workplace bullying

This post is for the letter V in the A-Z blogging challenge 2011. 

Vulnerable: Exposed to the possibility of being harmed physically or emotionally, susceptible to attack.  The bully will home in on those who they perceive as being vulnerable in some way.

There are many and varied reasons why targets are vulnerable; they may include one or more of the following:

• being alone in the world
• being seen as 'brainy'
• being a caring person
• having caring responsibilities at home, being primary carer
• having a disability or perceived disability
• dressing differently or being unable to afford modern clothing
• choosing not to join in with drinks after work
• strong sense of fair play
• feel guilt quickly
• being scrupulously honest
• suffering an illness, or taking time off to be with an ill family member
• having integrity which you are unwilling to compromise 
• suffering an injury
• having a learning difficulty 
• being unable to change jobs, limited job opportunities, being a specialist
• belonging to a minority group, with a different religion and culture
• having no other means of support
• the need to pay the mortgage
• very reasonable
• being a single parent
• being a student
• being unsure of yourself

Graffiti art on the side of a building in Berlin. 2009.

If you are being targeted by a bully, it's valuable to have a support network who validate your experience and don't brush your concerns aside. Professional people who have expertise in the area, as well as family, friends or colleagues can support you if you choose to stay and fight the bully, or  decide to look for another job. (See Y: You can do something)


Here tomorrow: Why me?


There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. The Facebook group eBossWatch here regularly posts articles and links to current issues on bullying. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.

Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration, many with an environmental theme.
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F: Friends - Bullying

Friends can help you navigate the stormy seas.
With permission from the artist: Terry Denton.

Never underestimate the power of friendships when you are experiencing any form of bullying. Whilst it may be very difficult if you are the target to explain what is happening, please make the effort!

Friends; listen kindly and patiently. The target may feel confused, foolish, apologetic, silly, embarrassed or any number of emotions and stumble to express the experience. Hopefully you can reassure that the experiencing is bullying behaviour and provide support through any formal procedures. If you're unsure, check out the links at the bottom of the post or seek professional advice from a practitioner experienced in this area.

Supportive measures can be as simple as phone call, having a cup of tea or going for a walk, but exercising together is even better!

Exercise is a great way to help deal with the effects of stress.

With one person, I sent a text message each day, starting with the letter A and going through to Z, describing how I felt about the bully. (A bit like this A-Z blogging challenge) I was told later that this was something the person looked forward to as it was a bit of lighthearted relief from the torment.

For parents, make the time to listen - just listen, don't take over. Prompt if necessary, but let the tears and anger, hurt and confusion come. Reassure the child that they have NOT done anything to bring the bullying upon themselves. It's important that they understand they're not being weak, they are trying to cope with a sneaky undermining individual who is in fact envious of your child's fine qualities.

Hanging out together is great.

Here tomorrow: Guilt


There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.

Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration, mostly with an environmental theme.
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