Of death and memories, both beautiful and sad.

What is the longest amount of time you've procrastinated for? I know I'm not alone in putting things off, but there comes a time when a potentially unpleasant or possibly daunting task needs to be tackled. It's time to dip into one task I've been avoiding for over 10 years.

Going through my mother's diaries.

She'd suggested I do it long before she died, but I knew it'd be awkward and perhaps I'd learn things about my mother and family I didn't really want to know. So I didn't; simple as that, and the boxes have been "stored" inefficiently and exposed to the nesting instincts of birds in the airy carport.

I didn't expect to find a desiccated baby bird when I got the boxes down.

Although she suffered dreadfully with arthritis and bitterly cold hands, my mother was a prolific writer. Any time other than on the hottest of days (above 35 degrees C) her fingers would be white with cold and the pain was clearly difficult to mask. The result is that her writing is often crabbed and blotched, and sometimes, with the best will in the world, all my squinting and turning the page to different angles doesn't help with a particular word.

Mostly, however, her writing is vivid, insightful and interesting. She discusses world news, politics, science, her spirituality and religion, and of course her family. Last night the hours melted away as I relived January to May 1992. Twenty years ago when my children were young and my mother babysat them fondly and frequently - sometimes so I could simply have a cup of tea or shop without "help". I felt nestled in a cocoon of the deepest, richest unconditional love imaginable.

There were however, darker entries. Of relatives who'd been seduced by the silver tongued poison of a cult leader, unexpectedly leaving children to fend for themselves (in hindsight, thankfully left behind with a flippant "They'll cope"). Reminders of the vicious, cruel, acrimonious attacks on the innocent by those who felt superior and special. Memories of sorrows, rifts, confusion and grief.*

I know this could be a turbulent voyage which will no doubt take some months, and I expect a skeleton or two might drop from a previously hidden cupboard - although I hope there will be no more birds! I think perhaps I was waiting for was a decent amount of time to pass before delving into my mother's private world.

What would you do, read your mother's diaries and discover some skeletons or .... ?

* Link to Anne Hamilton-Byrne & the sect The Family here and here, and Raynor Johnson, one man who enthusiastically promoted the sect here. Link to a book about The Family "Unseen Unheard Unknown" here.

Given the obsessive secrecy surrounding cults such as this one,  it's possible there are links to this group with the same name: here and here . The goal of both was/is to recruit similar kinds of people around the world and manipulate policy at as many levels as possible to further their selfish aims.

There are a number of books about cults and the cruelty they inflict. Link to Not Without My Sister  here.

(I've used the term sect and cult interchangeably even though technically there is a difference)

If you feel this post might assist someone you know, please tweet the link, like on FB or share on G+ or other social media platform.
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How not to procrastinate in 4 (x2) easy steps.

Point one: Never, never, never look at photos, even if it's work related, and you need a specific one to illustrate a point when there's a deadline looming. That photo will hide maliciously and other ones  that bring back pleasurable memories of long summery walks along the beach will appear to delay and distract you from the impending doom.

This bloke looks like he's going to be sucked into the ocean.

Every photo will beg loudly for a blog post to be written about it.

I love the way the kelp at the back of the rocks stands up
and how the water at the front is trickling over the ledge.

Be strong, don't allow them to distract.

Point two: Do not under any circumstances allow even the merest hint of social media to rear its ugly time sapping head. Not Facebook, not Twitter and certainly NOT G+. Bad, bad, bad G+.

Bad Google for allowing it to be invented.

Bad G+rs for posting such interesting photos and intriguing information.

The Pacific Gulls are unconcerned about the crashing waves.

Remove any social media links from your tabs. The sneakiest hint of something interesting happening on-line is enough to suck up an hour or so. At least. If not more.

Point three: Turn off any alerts for email messages coming in. It's not going to be life threatening if you ignore it! It doesn't matter if you look at it in an hour or so - after you've slurped another cup of tea and made a tempting tea cake to reward you for all that intense concentration and proved that you can resist the temptation of procrastinating!

Point four: Turn off your phone and take it outside and bury it. Deep. Very deep. Throw away the spade into the nearest passing truck that's on a non stop service to the farthest point in the country.

Arck, argh, ergh. Focus... This can be done

The crest on the centre left is a combination of waves crashing into each other
from different directions. Definitely not good for swimming.

The increased stress levels aren't worth it. There's heaps of short-lived entertainment, but eventually a minor meltdown as the deadline looms larger and more threatening.

1.  Splash face with cold water. 

2.  Three minutes of exercise. 

3.  Munch on a piece of fruit. 

4.  And go for it!

After taking my own advice, I'm pleased to say my conference presentation is almost ready! Hooray!!
CDAA 2012 in Canberra, here I come :)


Note: No phone was injured to enable my presentation to be completed. 



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Who me? Stylish?!

An award for my blog, wheee! Thanks Helen (Straight from Hel). I'm delighted, and will try not to let it go to my head!

It's a relief it's for my blog, not me, but horrors, does that mean that the pressure's on?

Now, let's see .... Oh dear there are rules, I'm not so good with them usually, but we'll see how I go this time.


Hmm: List 7 things about yourself and pass the award on to 7 others. Seems simple enough (now I've worked out how to copy and paste the award!)


*finds pencil, starts chewing it, wanders around the house procrastinating, gets in the washing from the line before the night air begins to settle, has a cup mug of tea, folds washing, pours a beer, thinks about dinner, pours another beer, gets dinner, greets son who has come home to visit...*

Um, maybe this isn't so easy...

finally knuckles down...


1.  My parents built their house; materials were rationed after the war, and it took years for them to finish it. The plans for the house came from USA and it was called a California Bungalow.

2.  I cycled to school on a 'girls bike' which didn't have gears but did have a back pedal brake. I reckon in an emergency I would automatically try to push backwards on the pedals of my current modern bike.

3.  I've trekked close to Kali Patar near the base of Mt Everest. I suffered from altitude sickness, so couldn't get to base camp.

4.  I get vertigo snorkelling in deep water.

5.  I over-think things.

6.  I still love getting the (snail) mail in.

7.  Sometimes I can't spell for nuts.

Now, 7 recipients! Drum roll please ......

1. Brits in the USA - I get a lot of pleasure from David's writing, his preparedness to tackle tough issues, his photos and wicked sense of humour.
2. Boonie's Thailand Photos - Boonie's photos, commentary, wit and wisdom bring lightness into my life.
3. Shaking the Tree - Miss Becky takes beautiful photographs and makes perceptive observations about her photos and life.
4. Life's a Poodle - The creators of this blog are champions for children who learn differently. How stylish is that!
5. The Giraffability of Digressions - The first blog I ever followed. Cruella was introduced to me by the brilliant Australian comedian Adam Hills when he proudly mentioned her in a show as his 'Norwegian stalker'. Thankyou Adam!
6. Coffee Rings Everywhere - stylish photos, brilliant Drabbles. Rayna inspired me to try my hand at Drabbling. It's addictive!
7. Middle Passages - I came across Liza's blog late last year and read it from the beginning. Beautifully crafted insight into the life of someone who was made redundant. Complete with very stylish photos.

That was harder than I thought, all the blogs I read are stylish, and I found I wanted to share with everyone... ah well, next time!

*I'm going to digress now. Has any one else ever gone into a slightly negative state when something positive like this happens? I've been known to react with "oh they were just being nice, I'm not doing anything as good as ... (insert title of blog you think is really cool here)"? I found the same thing happened when The Burrow included some of my drabbles in their Valentine Calendar. I thought "it's only because no one else entered the competition". My mother would have said it's false pride, but I'm not so sure, I genuinely find it hard to assess what I'm doing. I often ask: Am I articulating clearly, is it garbled, am I being too long winded, how can I improve, things like that....See 5 above: I over-think things!

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Barriers to change

Do you know those days you wake up and it seems that obstacles are scattered around for miles in all directions littering the landscape with menace? Some appear large and immovable, others small and soggy or smelly, and over there one appears very thundery. All, however are unyielding or impenetrable: they are not a welcome sight.

You’ve worked on your goal, thought it through and hoped you’d be able to move. It might have been eating more healthy food, enrolling in a course, searching for a job, or simply getting your resume together.

But this morning, the whole world seems to conspire against you. Obstacles take over. Negativity abounds. Your goal seems to recede 'till it's barely a pinprick of light in the far distance.

Thunder clouds roll in.

No gallant knight in shining armour galloping masterfully on a white steed is going to emerge from the black and ominous sky to rescue you.

Looking in detail at the whole range of obstacles adding to your misery isn’t going to help you, and would possibly be off-putting for the strongest amongst us.

When this kind of mood descends on me, one way I tackle it is to pause, breathe slowly and adopt the tried and true “one step at a time” method.  I’m not implying that this is easy. It can be extremely difficult to extract yourself from the “pity party for one” as a friend describes it.

There are also times that even though we know what to do, we need a reminder. So, here goes with one of many methods for beginning to extract yourself from the sludge.

Firstly, stop. Breathe, and make room for the jangled thoughts. Don't fight them or argue with them. In a way, they're a bit like a bad smell that's best avoided for a while! Take a few moments to settle.

Now, find a blank, unlined sheet of paper (copy paper from the printer, sketch pad, A3 if it seems needed, the back of a receipt if that’s all you can find).

Some people find it helps to have a visual reminder of the goal stuck at the top or centre of the page. I like to use the centre as it reminds me that there are many ways to get where I want to go, if it’s at the top it seems too linear to me, as if there’s only one way to get there.

The idea is to sketch or use a picture from a magazine - so that you have something that represents the goal/s you’re trying to achieve.

Next, have a rational think - as much as humanly possible (!) about the obstacles you see, name them, jot them on the paper. Stick It Notes can be useful; they allow for lots of changing of the mind and allow for easy re-arranging. They’re also a good visual reminder that many of our obstacles aren’t set in cement, but transient. They can also be satisfyingly scrunched up and tossed away! Again a great reminder that obstacles can be overcome. Use colour, remember you're encouraging a creative solution, and this will help.

It’s important not to get caught up with the barriers and obstacles. No whinging and whining or getting involved in them; just write them down. For starters this step usually stops you going round and round and round like that broken down record from the 70’s – repetitive boring and slightly “ho hum I’ve heard this all before”.

You now have your goal, with the obstacles spread round the page.

Next, if any creative thoughts spring to mind about how you can overcome the barriers, jot them down too, no matter how bizarre.

The next steps are very important. If you’re feeling calm and rational, have a think about how someone you really admire as being extremely “can do” would approach these obstacles. What tactics would they use? When in the past have you adopted similar strategies? How would a creative soul look at these? What opportunities would they see?

Cycling lifts a heavy mood

If calm and rational aren’t the correct words to explain your emotional state when confronted with all these apparently insurmountable horrors take a break. Some folk will choose to do some mindfulness mediation, at other times vigorous weeding, exercise or other activity will encourage your brain to go into free-fall.

Focusing on problems You know the feeling of having stubbed your toe, you focus on it, and think about it, and it throbs more and more. Our problems can be like that too, when we focus on them, it seems to support them and they can appear to become larger. The “woe is me” “I can’t do xyz because …”. These sad phrases become a habit strengthened by repetition.

Now, I’m not promising, but what often happens if that by allowing your brain to go into free-fall, it frees up the creative part and allows new connections to be made. The ones that became squashed and repressed in the worrying, misery-guts phase.

What many people find is that when they come back to their paper over the next few hours, days or weeks, that they begin to see a way out of the murk, that the mud begins to settle, and they start saying “I wonder if I could…” “What would happen if…” “I know someone who could help me here”.

Sometimes the clarity that comes, is “I need help” and that’s good too. It’s a positive step.

Remember too, that we’re all different, and what works for one person may not for another. Also, that what works for me this time may not next, so be flexible in your problem solving approaches.

Let me know how you go.

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Procrastination - a Drabble

If you'd started that course you researched four years ago, studying part time, you'd be finished by now

I know

How proud you'd feel!

Yes, I know

And what a sense of accomplishment

That's true

And right now, you'd have the framed 'Certificate of Completion' on your wall

Yes, I know
but back then, I wasn't sure,
I was scared to make a decision, any decision in case I got it wrong.

What's wrong? What's right?

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started" a wise person said.

Sometimes it's better to begin in uncertainty than not to begin at all.


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A drabble is a story told in 100 words. No more. No less.


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Procrastination

Why didn't I act when I saw him last night? I had the chance, but ignored it.

He'd been watching me for hours, with his beady eyes, hobnail boots, fangs and horns.

Ready, biding his time before springing unexpectedly as I walked hesitantly, nervously through the door.

But no. I procrastinated yet again. Will I ever learn?

I forgot about his silent presence overnight, but this morning remember his stealth, not with dread, loathing or fear. More, as two adversaries sizing each other up, opponents equal in status if not size. But he's gone. Not parading his ownership of this space any longer.

I wait, unsure when, or even if he'll jump.

Will a long, slender, elegantly hairy leg be extended coyly from behind a picture frame, curtain rod or dresser, waving seductively, sneering at my inability to reach him?

Oh no. A dreadful thought appears in my brain. He wouldn't would he? That would be ... explosive?... gripping?  I'm unsure which, but NOT... shudder ... from inside the toilet roll ... NO!

To spray would be unsporting,

but then again ...

In stealth mode

Fully kitted out with hobnail boots

How do you procrastinate? At work? In your career? In life?

For the curious, the Huntsman was as big as the palm of my hand and is still in hiding (hence the sketches).  If female I bet she's laid a squillion eggs by now.  I suppose I'd better be prepared for company.

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