Red Light Flashing

“How do you make decisions when there are so many choices, many of which appear on first glance to be attractive?”

Many years ago, I heard the expression “Red Light Flashing”.

You know the experience of coming to an intersection, and the lights are ‘on the blink’, when there’s been a malfunction of some description. Often you're alerted to the potential hazard by the lights in all directions flashing red. It says WARNING! proceed with extreme caution. It doesn't always mean stop completely or turn round and go back, but to take extra care, look in all directions, and only then, proceed when safe.

Red Light Flashing and decision making
Many people use the technique frequently, as often as there are decisions to be made. Others only when they feel uncomfortable, and aren't sure why.

The method is to sit quietly and settle your mind, then allow each option to float into consciousness and observe the sensations that are produced in your body in response to the option. At this stage you're not putting a value judgement on what's happening, but observing and learning with a sense of curiosity.

A sense of unease
Sometimes you’ll experience a vague sense of discomfort, a niggling feeling of unease. You might squirm a bit, and feel less enthusiastic than you logically expected about this particular option. The sensation can be subtle and elusive. It's rarely the all-singing, all-dancing billboard, shrieking “Don’t Go Here”, “Wrong Way, Go Back!” These are quite clear and generally harder to ignore!

Proceed with Caution!
Whenever you become aware of a Red Light Flashing, it’s always best to proceed with caution. You might next ask yourself “What’s going on?” and explore gently, yet more deeply - “Is there something here that’s not as it should be?”

Ask questions
Sometimes you can’t see any reason for the ‘caution’ and you may choose to continue in the same direction, but more slowly. You'll ask more questions, particularly if it’s about a job offer, or financial investment that’s too good to refuse. You'll gather more information, and then choose to continue or not once you have the extra information.

Taking the time out allows you to be more thoughtful and aware; to observe and assess the pros and cons of the situation.

Sometimes only when you have the answers to your questions will you become more wary and stop completely. Things really don’t look good with the ‘once in a lifetime’ offer.

Often, however, you don't need to intellectualise - simply observe and acknowledge any discomfort in your body as a warning. But whatever you find works best for you, the message is to tread slowly and see what happens next.

I sometimes find my dreams will make some commentary, particularly when I’m being stubbornly obstructive and don’t want to face or make a difficult decision. (You might find the Drabble on The Small Wooden Box interesting for a particularly vivid dream that couldn’t be ignored).

So, in the same way as you’d proceed carefully at the cautionary lights at an intersection, the internal Red Light Flashing is your cue to take the next steps slowly, and with eyes wide open.

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Barriers to change

Do you know those days you wake up and it seems that obstacles are scattered around for miles in all directions littering the landscape with menace? Some appear large and immovable, others small and soggy or smelly, and over there one appears very thundery. All, however are unyielding or impenetrable: they are not a welcome sight.

You’ve worked on your goal, thought it through and hoped you’d be able to move. It might have been eating more healthy food, enrolling in a course, searching for a job, or simply getting your resume together.

But this morning, the whole world seems to conspire against you. Obstacles take over. Negativity abounds. Your goal seems to recede 'till it's barely a pinprick of light in the far distance.

Thunder clouds roll in.

No gallant knight in shining armour galloping masterfully on a white steed is going to emerge from the black and ominous sky to rescue you.

Looking in detail at the whole range of obstacles adding to your misery isn’t going to help you, and would possibly be off-putting for the strongest amongst us.

When this kind of mood descends on me, one way I tackle it is to pause, breathe slowly and adopt the tried and true “one step at a time” method.  I’m not implying that this is easy. It can be extremely difficult to extract yourself from the “pity party for one” as a friend describes it.

There are also times that even though we know what to do, we need a reminder. So, here goes with one of many methods for beginning to extract yourself from the sludge.

Firstly, stop. Breathe, and make room for the jangled thoughts. Don't fight them or argue with them. In a way, they're a bit like a bad smell that's best avoided for a while! Take a few moments to settle.

Now, find a blank, unlined sheet of paper (copy paper from the printer, sketch pad, A3 if it seems needed, the back of a receipt if that’s all you can find).

Some people find it helps to have a visual reminder of the goal stuck at the top or centre of the page. I like to use the centre as it reminds me that there are many ways to get where I want to go, if it’s at the top it seems too linear to me, as if there’s only one way to get there.

The idea is to sketch or use a picture from a magazine - so that you have something that represents the goal/s you’re trying to achieve.

Next, have a rational think - as much as humanly possible (!) about the obstacles you see, name them, jot them on the paper. Stick It Notes can be useful; they allow for lots of changing of the mind and allow for easy re-arranging. They’re also a good visual reminder that many of our obstacles aren’t set in cement, but transient. They can also be satisfyingly scrunched up and tossed away! Again a great reminder that obstacles can be overcome. Use colour, remember you're encouraging a creative solution, and this will help.

It’s important not to get caught up with the barriers and obstacles. No whinging and whining or getting involved in them; just write them down. For starters this step usually stops you going round and round and round like that broken down record from the 70’s – repetitive boring and slightly “ho hum I’ve heard this all before”.

You now have your goal, with the obstacles spread round the page.

Next, if any creative thoughts spring to mind about how you can overcome the barriers, jot them down too, no matter how bizarre.

The next steps are very important. If you’re feeling calm and rational, have a think about how someone you really admire as being extremely “can do” would approach these obstacles. What tactics would they use? When in the past have you adopted similar strategies? How would a creative soul look at these? What opportunities would they see?

Cycling lifts a heavy mood

If calm and rational aren’t the correct words to explain your emotional state when confronted with all these apparently insurmountable horrors take a break. Some folk will choose to do some mindfulness mediation, at other times vigorous weeding, exercise or other activity will encourage your brain to go into free-fall.

Focusing on problems You know the feeling of having stubbed your toe, you focus on it, and think about it, and it throbs more and more. Our problems can be like that too, when we focus on them, it seems to support them and they can appear to become larger. The “woe is me” “I can’t do xyz because …”. These sad phrases become a habit strengthened by repetition.

Now, I’m not promising, but what often happens if that by allowing your brain to go into free-fall, it frees up the creative part and allows new connections to be made. The ones that became squashed and repressed in the worrying, misery-guts phase.

What many people find is that when they come back to their paper over the next few hours, days or weeks, that they begin to see a way out of the murk, that the mud begins to settle, and they start saying “I wonder if I could…” “What would happen if…” “I know someone who could help me here”.

Sometimes the clarity that comes, is “I need help” and that’s good too. It’s a positive step.

Remember too, that we’re all different, and what works for one person may not for another. Also, that what works for me this time may not next, so be flexible in your problem solving approaches.

Let me know how you go.

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CDAA Workshop: 26. Gremlins

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)

I'm pretty sure we've all experienced these haven't we. The sneaky little voice that undermines us so effectively and quickly.

We can begin the day with great will, determination, and enthusiasm. But way too often the gremlin will appear - niggling and questioning, carping and moaning about how difficult it all is. How we aren't good enough. How no one will use my expertise. How we're not as good as .... (insert name here).

I've been hugely reassured when a couple of high profile people, widely regarded as leaders in their field, and with enviable world wide reputations have expressed this same private doubt about their skills. One said he often begins consultations feeling "like a bit of a fraud", and wondering how it will all turn out. It has normalized this extremely uncomfortable experience, and made me realize that if people I respect feel this way, then it's OK.

It's a bit like when you're a mother of young children, and animal hour hits, or teething, or any number of other dreary events, and the mantra is: "This too shall pass". That's a pretty good mantra for anyone in the challenging start-up phase of business as well.