Part 3: Stay at home mum starts her own business

In Part 1, Stay-at-home mum Melissa, discussed her values and goals with a career counsellor. In Part 2, she began studying and discovered that she loved learning and the course she'd selected, but faced some unexpected obstacles including unemployment. In Part 3, Melissa has thought about her transferable skills and now puts it all together! 

Melissa begins her own business

“I used my research skills to find more about being a personal concierge and found iCALM which was really helpful. And so now I’m a personal concierge and my business is called Allow Me To Assist." www.allowmetoassist.com.au

Finding the right name

"It took weeks to get a business name I was happy with. I wanted the name to tell the story and wanted a logo that fitted. It had to be easy to read, appeal to older people and not be ambiguous. I’d never had thoughts of having my own business, but it’s the door that opened and I love what I do, even though it’s not what I’d planned."

The importance of trust

"One of the important things is to meet people and make genuine connections. I usually set up a personal meeting first and that’s my client’s opportunity to check me out and get a sense of my trustworthiness.

My clients need to feel ok with me, to see if I’ll fit in with what they need. People might need me to fill a gap when life has got overwhelming, they might ask me to do their banking, shopping, take their car for a service or feed the cat! They need to be able to trust me with their credit card or car, so building trust is a large part of what I do."

What I do

"I’m getting known now, and have some really good client testimonials which is great. Some of my regulars call me their fairy godmother, because I’ve helped out during family emergencies. 

Not everyone has access to extended family to call on when things get too much for them, and they need to be cloned to be in two places at once. I have your back, and can get you out of time related trouble.

I’ve got my weekly and fortnightly regulars; I take some elderly people out for mid week morning tea and specialty shopping, or even to medical appointments because their children are working in the city. Others call on me occasionally when something major is happening, like a 40^th birthday party, when I help with the organising, invitations and decorations.

I also do packing support, debriefing, making coffees and supplying food when someone has just shifted. I’ve reminded businessmen that important family events are coming up, and am always very discreet! Tact, diplomacy, and confidentiality are important.

Some people are intimidated by doing things online – I’ve shopped and sold things on eBay, I’ve booked a cruise, and even sold a car. It’s extremely varied!”

What a journey! From a stay-at-home mum wondering what to do with her life, to studying, to running her own business, Melissa has been challenged, overcome unexpected obstacles and found a rewarding work-life balance which complements her personality and supports her personal and family values.  And for her to say “I couldn’t have done it without you, Sue” is a very humbling thought.

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What is career development and coaching?

I received the following question last week and thought that my response (extended for this post) could be interesting for those whose experience of career counselling is a ten minute appointment with someone at school when they were in year 10 discussing work experience, or during year 12 when they were granted a few rushed minutes to discuss "life" plans and their post-school options.

The question:
What would you advise an ex cop, local government councillor and youth worker who wants to be in the social and environmental development industry?

My answer:
This sounds like a magic wand request!

What happens during a career development session is generally quite different and no crystal balls or magical wands are involved! It's a lot more complex than some of the ads you might have seen make it appear, and more complex than some people are prepared for.  It takes time, and the ability to self reflect to get the most from the investment.

Values
Generally, my work with clients is firmly based on values, so we begin with an exercise to help them clarify what's important to them as an individual and to help them think and see their life from a different perspective.

Many of us bumble along, fall into our first job without thinking too much about what's important to us, and stumble haphazardly from one thing to the next with no particular idea what we're searching for.

The values exercise is, for most people, surprising and grounding. They often say, "I'd never thought about it like this before." It helps them see where their values may be at odds with their employer and vice versa. When values aren't compatible, or worse, completely at odds with your employer, it's no wonder you're unhappy. (The mini documentary Green Generation introduces a young man whose values led him from an arguably desirable job where his values weren't met by the company to completely new challenges. There's a bit about it here)

Working within the reality of your situation
Sometimes bitterly unhappy people know what the issues are, but for financial or other reasons are unable to change careers or workplaces. We then work within the reality of that situation and look at ways to support, and possible expand on, the positive things that are happening in their lives so than an unhappy work situation doesn't overwhelm them.

This might include support in more effective communication strategies, assertiveness training, or tactics to deflect the undermining aspects of bullying. It could be looking at spending more time on significant relationships outside work, finding new hobbies, getting more exercise or eating with a mindful attitude. There is no "one size fits all" quick fix response.

Simultaneously, we could be looking at a 5+ year plan, working towards a career theme (not a specific job) supporting your values, skills and interests, which will be more fulfilling while meeting current family and financial commitments. 

Then of course, there are the challenges of location. It's not always possible to work locally, and this can be an uncomfortable issue when an hour plus commute through heavy traffic is at odds with valuing environmental responsibility. For that one, there are no easy answers.

I hope this doesn't sound like a cop-out response. Any superficial reply would be ultimately unhelpful, and doesn't allow for the nuances, contradictions and complexities of a real person.

I do so wish I had that magic wand, I'd have made a fortune by now!

A quick fix is less satisfying than deep reflection
... But, just thinking on that, I doubt my clients would be better off if I waved a magic wand. Whilst the journey of looking deeply into their values isn't for everyone, and can sometimes be challenging and confronting, most people are grateful for the experience, and they are enriched by the process.

While none of us have the ability to see into the future, our values stay with us for life. The people I work with want to live with integrity, and when decisions are made thoughtfully and based on the solid foundation of values, they have much more chance of living a rich, full and meaningful life, no matter where they end up working.

As you can see,  what you might have experienced at school will be quite different to what I've described here. Career Development is often a life-long process, evolving as our interests and needs change, and in response to economic conditions and environmental factors. It's something most of us will revisit time and time again as we respond and adapt to real events in our lives right through to retirement.

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Climate Matters. K is for out of Kilter

This is for K in the A-Z blogging challenge 2012. Link in the sidebar.


Many of us are acutely aware that the world as we've known it is changing. It's evident in the unsettled climate and unpredictable, extreme weather systems which are out of kilter leaving many of us feeling acutely uncomfortable.

For the past 40 or so years, we've focused on working excessively long hours, maybe at jobs we don't particularly like, commuting long distances in heavy peak hour traffic, negotiating aggressive, abusive drivers, becoming tense and irritable not only with ourselves but with our frazzled time poor families. Trucks, noise and fumes assault our senses while we mindlessly scoff sugary snacks simply to get us through the stress and as a "treat" for surviving. Out of kilter indeed.

The words temperance and moderation are considered old fashioned, as we've been encouraged to consume more and more at a faster and faster pace, forcing us to work crazy hours a two or three jobs simply to make repayments on "essential" goods we often have little time to enjoy. Houses large enough to double as a boutique hotel are considered normal, purchased with borrowed money and astronomical repayments that can feel more like a stifling life sentence.

Some of my male clients confess that they're empty inside, life feels futile and pointless, yet they appear to have "everything". It's often only when their marriage falls apart that they stop and question the vortex they've become caught in.

It can be confronting to realise that the lifestyle we've fallen into isn't meeting our fundamental human needs: happiness, time for relaxation, and making space and time to feed ourselves with wholesome food and nurture ourselves and those we love.

Many of my clients say they've forgotten what it's like to slow down and just be...

• that they're not sure who they'll find
• if there's anyone even there any more
• that they don't know who they are
• what they want
• what they believe in
• and whose values they're following anyway
• and when they stop they feel empty, unsure, afraid - so it's easier not to stop 
• like they've sold their soul and are feeding an addiction that they weren't aware they had 

This out of kilter habit can be broken, and whilst it might initially seem outrageous, a complete break to take stock and visit or revisit your values alone, then with your partner can be be a first step in looking at what makes a rich, full and meaningful life for you.

It's generally not something we do when we're young and may have fallen into a job without examining what it is that we value in life. We may have plodded along for years feeling vaguely dissatisfied and frustrated. Sometimes it's only when crap happens that we're confronted with the need to question and perhaps change unhealthy patterns.

Often in the act of stopping, sharing and reflecting, a new way of thinking is permitted to grow. You might choose to attend a class on sustainable living, learn to cook your own fast, nourishing foods, explore a long ignored desire to learn a language, or enrol in further study for your career.  All of these things feed into our capacity as humans to be creative learners, to be revitalised and to adapt better to a changing world. We become more flexible, less rigid, more independent and enthusiastic and less willing to follow the advertising machine blindly and without question.

In the process, some people decide that having less will actually lead them to have more. They realise there is a choice and choose to downsize and make purchases mindfully.

We've become so accustomed to being out of kilter living at breakneck speed, that it's easy to forget that having an enormous mortgage, constant pressure and irritability isn't written into our DNA. It doesn't have to be the blueprint for the future.

Borrowed money can feel like a crushing burden.

What single step will you take today in the direction of your preferred future?

Last year I wrote about the Known triggers for bullying for K in my theme of workplace bullying. Here.
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CDAA Workshop: 30. Portfolio or Mixed Business model

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)

I've tried teaching full time, I've tried counselling full time. Both are great, but leave me a bit twitchy. I've found I work best and most happily when I follow the "Portfolio" style of career package.

For me that means a bit of teaching/training, a bit of career development and life coaching, some work at organizations, some private work, and with the open mindedness to keep space available for the unexpected.

So much to do, so little time...

CDAA Workshop: 13. Working locally

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)


I live in a beautiful part of Victoria, and showed these pictures to emphasize the contrast between the heavy peak hour traffic, and the roads near my home town.

And yes, there is a car down there!

In my ideal world, I wanted to work locally, in a generally relaxing environment, smell the sea and meet and work with locals. 


This goal fits in with my belief that it's not helpful for ourselves or the environment if we spend hours and hours driving to and fro to a stressful job. I'd often think of how much petrol I used each week, and found it challenging to rationalise. there was a marked disconnect between my stated values and how I was living.


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CDAA Workshop: 11. What makes me feel creative?

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)


Participants were encouraged to brainstorm privately and then to think about the questions, then answer them over the next couple of weeks or so.

So often we get caught up in the process of working to earn a living that we forget that work can, and ideally will have some element of personal satisfaction.

Sometimes we're locked in to an unsatisfying career due to a mortgage or loan repayments, but even then it's often possible to find an area where there's a bit of "give" and room to find enjoyment, although often we need outside help to find this.


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CDAA Workshop: 9-10. Life's better with no boring bits!

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)


What's important to me, where do I want to work, How do I want to work? 


 As Career Development Practitioners, we often ask clients these questions, but how often do we apply them to ourselves? How often do we sit quietly and think about our own future, satisfaction with work and life?

For participants of the workshop, the question was: Do you want to make changes in your career? 


What are the issues you face that need to be addressed? 


Is there something you can do today to begin the process of change?


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CDAA Workshop: 5. Inspiration to change

(This post forms part of a series of powerpoint slides from a presentation I gave at the Career Development Association of Australia Conference 2010 entitled: The Roller-coaster Ride from Permanent Part-time Employee to Private Practitioner.)


The motivation to change career direction or work location can be influenced by many events. Such things as work-life balance are mentioned by many clients. However, when driving to work I was always inspired in particular by the tradies with their company name and phone number proudly emblazoned across their utes. I kept thinking that if they could work for themselves, why couldn't I?

What or who is your inspiration?

What can you learn from them?

What about them or their business can you emulate?

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