Street performers - sometimes creepy, always entertaining!

Have you heard the expression

"The job was handed to him on a plate"?

This probably wasn't what you were thinking of ...

photo credit: D.Watson

or perhaps the performer had received advice on

"How to get ahead in your career"!

photo credit D.Watson

Are you talking about me behind my back?

photo credit: D.Watson

Various careers require excellent balance and poise, though some might say of this man -

"He was sitting down on the job"

Bad puns I know, but street performers seem to bring that out in me ;-)

Seriously though, these artists are worth their weight in gold (oh dear there's another one) and I have huge admiration for them; I also thoroughly enjoy watching the audience discussing the show and trying to work out how it's done.

The performer above not only managed to hold the pose, and cross and uncross his legs, but maintained his composure when one woman practically crawled under him to look up at his bottom to see how he was "magically" sitting in thin air!

A tiny stage, some props and confidence
-  almost all you need to begin!

These modern day performers providing walk-by entertainment are following in the footsteps of an age old form of employment and although the costumes and makeup might be different from what was seen hundreds of years ago, they still need to pull an audience and encourage them to give money, to enable them to make a living.

A fine Jazz group on the Charles Bridge in Prague are not only performing, but selling CDs to an appreciative audience.

A delightfully random piano recital at a railway station ...

Prague.

This gentleman's kit included a quality sound system but unfortunately there were very few passers-by when I saw him.

Ulm. Germany

All jobs have their particular challenges and street performers are no exception. I found myself wondering how a job advertisement for a mime artist would be worded:

The position

This free-lancing job provides a daily adrenaline rush, inconsistent hours and unpredictable income. You'll be your own boss and must have good planning and financial management to sustain you during the lean times. There is the potential to be 'discovered' and take the world by storm. Would suit a person who thrives on unpredictability, works well alone and has the ability to think on their feet.

Key selection criteria

• Excellent body control
• The ability to remain motionless for extended periods of time
• Proven ability to engage the attention of a distractible, fickle audience
• The ability to engage people of different ages and nationalities and encourage them to part with money, using only gestures and facial expression - ie outstanding non-verbal skills
• Enjoy working at different ourdoor locations (known as a pitch) and able to assess pedestrian traffic to gain maximum exposure with as few other distractions as possible
• Desire to work in varied and changeable weather conditions
• Have a repertoire of poses to deflect hecklers and those determined to get a reaction
• Self belief and confidence
• Skills with make up and costume design
• A willing accomplice to assist with the set up and dismantling of the equipment
• Be prepared to put in a lot of time "out of hours" to fine tune the act
• 
  
• ... and most of all, excellent bladder control is vital or you'll be scampering in a most un-angel-like way, down from your pedestal, intent on finding a suitable location to find 'relief'.

More information for those wanting to enter the profession: 

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Money-Busking-(Street-Performing)

http://www.myjobsearch.com/careers/street-performer.html

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Can blogging support your values?

I've just been reading an interesting post on G+. It explores some issues related to vulnerability which made me think of the recent ACBS conference  which I attended in Sydney where high profile, well respected speakers such as The Happiness Trap's Dr Russ Harris and the founder of ACT and RFT Steve Hayes who appear to be self assured and super confident, acknowledged their own insecurities and sense of vulnerability.  Not only is this unexpectedly empowering and reassuring, but my response (and I certainly wasn't alone) was "If they're not always as strong as they appear and have insecurities and doubts, then perhaps I'm not doing so badly after all!"

In the post I mentioned above on G+, Peter McDermott commented that we're discouraged from showing our vulnerability as we age and that this results in a tendency to share less of ourselves. 

"As we age we are taught to become more self-sufficient and less reliant on others. We are told to get an education and a high-paying job in order to build a family and have the process repeat itself. As we progress and become less vulnerable we notice that less people care about us and in result we tend to share less."

My experience is that we don't actually become less vulnerable, but that many of us have learnt, or been taught, to cover our hurts and insecurities with the facade of bravado, strength and confidence. Many people put on a mask which at best shows a smile, but sometimes a fragile, almost quivering, stiff upper lip. 

Peter is specifically talking about building an online presence and that the challenge of putting yourself out there  exposes the more vulnerable side of yourself.

In today’s world if you want to grow an audience, open yourself to exploring new ideas and opportunities, you need to put yourself out there. ... I’m talking about building a presence, sharing your passion and really putting yourself out there.

I've met many people who appear confident and who say they want to build an online presence, but that they feel exposed, nervous, insecure, incompetent, and that they don't want to be seen as being less than perfect. In fact they feel vulnerable. Will people laugh? Will they criticise? Will they rip you to shreds if you get something wrong?

Once you are honest with people about your opinions, ideas and wishes, you will find that lots of others share your passion and some of the challenges you face.   

I commented a couple of years ago when I finally started blogging, that I faced a lot of challenges in regard to having an online presence. I procrastinated for well over 3 years before I finally summoned the courage to even comment - anonymously - on a post and more before I began a blog! 

It took a year or more of gentle yet persistent encouragement for my web designer to get me to agree to go live! Blogging was only marginally easier; yet with my heart in my mouth and positively quaking at the knees and feeling sick with nervousness, I began. Perhaps I was overreacting!?

My posts were clunky, awkward and frankly, often boring. Sometimes they still are, but I've worked hard to learn from people I respect on line. Why? Because I value sharing, and I know that clients, friends and fellow bloggers have benefitted from some of my posts particularly about learning difficulties and workplace bullying. 

As one of the young women who climbed the Shard said: "It's a weird thing, knowing that you're going to be scared and doing something anyway". 

Putting yourself out there can lead to unexpected events. I was delighted when one young woman contacted me to say how much one of my photos meant to her and that when she feels down and discouraged she looks at it. So even the confronting aspect of putting a photo online (Is it ok? I'm not a professional. Will people think I'm full of myself?) can lead to unexpected, heartwarming outcomes. Her touching email means a lot to me, and in turn encourages me when I feel blogging is a waste of time, all to difficult, and too "out there".

In ACT language: 

• I've defined my values (in this case in regard to blogging)
• I refer to my values when I'm feeling discouraged and down 
• I acknowledge, accept and defuse from the negative gremlins in my mind who tell undermining stories and try to put me off acting in accordance with my values
• I regularly (more or less) set small goals (ie committed action) to consistently take me in the direction of my blogging values

I'll finish with another quote from Peter:

No one will know who you are until you are willing to show a little bit behind the curtain. It might be scary at first, but once you are able to share your thoughts and ideas, you will find yourself swimming in a whole new world of opportunity.

That's a very similar response to how those involved with the ACBS community work with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It's scary, but empowering, and opens up the possibility of deeper, more meaningful communication and connection - with others and with ourselves.

Undermining thoughts and feelings threaten to attack
and try to divert us from valued actions.

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posted by Sue Travers

Remembering 6 good things.

Attending the ACT Boot Camp in the USA

I've just been to the USA - well to be honest, just a tiny portion of it, around Reno, Nevada and just a few small areas of California.

Like many professionals, to remain registered with our associations we have to accrue a certain amount of PD (Professional Development) points per annum. This is to show that we're up to date, moving with the times and not allowing dust to gather under our feet. For my association, (the CDAA - Career Development Association of Australia) we can include attending relevant training or conferences, writing articles which are published, reading and mentoring among other things.

I enjoy conferences, it's a great way to meet with colleagues from around the country and share experiences - both the joys and frustrations of our work and learn new things in a concentrated environment.

Training:
This year, however,  I wanted to extend my skills in a specific area, so when information about an ACT Boot Camp in the US appeared in my in-box I was delighted ... except that ... well ... it was in the US, and that's not just down the road. A 15 hour direct flight isn't something to be tackled lightly when you're travelling economy, even when the fares are heavily discounted. That's fifteen, long, boring hours, with crying babies, coughing adults and smoking deprived addicts, cooped up, farting, twitching, and generally desperately wishing they were somewhere else, mostly safely on the ground at their destination. QANTAS is a good airline, but 15 hours is stretching the friendship quite a bit.

But four days of intense training in ACT was extremely attractive! My training so far has been with Dr Russ Harris, (there's more about him, his books and work here) and he's great. But this boot camp would give me the opportunity to meet Dr Steve Hayes and other influential people in the field, learn more, and would be relevant for both my clients and myself.

Core Values:
Encouraging clients to think about their core values is how I work. When you know what's important to you, it provides a solid basis on which to make career and life choices, and ACT is both mindfully and values based. It complements career development for those wanting to make decisions which will support their life goals and values. Perfect!

Four solid days of training were offered, 8:30 am till 9:30 pm, an hour for lunch, and a dinner break of 1 1/2 hours - a couple of meagre tea breaks were included. That's full on! Would I have the stamina to last the distance? I could see why Dr Steve Hayes called it a Boot Camp, even though that's not an expression we use frequently for anything other than extremely demanding exercise classes.

Reno has never been on the short list of places I wanted to visit, but with the Yosemite, Sequoia and Death Valley National Parks not far off, I decided to extend the trip and have a bit of a holiday as well (after all it is such a very long way to travel if you only stay a few days!). This is the land of the TV shows I watched as a child, the wild west, rugged landscapes and familiar place names. (More about this over at jumping aground soon.)

And it was fantastic! More than 360 people attended, mostly from the US, but also from Belgium, France, Israel, South America, Ireland, London and of course Australia!

Casino:
A casino seemed to be an unusual place to hold the training, but the facilities were excellent and we fitted comfortably into the conference room.  I'd rarely go into a casino as they remind me of a large parasite, sucking the lifeblood out of their victims who have been enticed into the lair. The machines seem like voracious pulsating stomach and intestines. This casino was huge; multi levelled, glittery, maze-like, airconditioned and soulless. Few gamblers appeared happy and seemed to be in a zombie like state. I wonder if they go home after a weekend of gambling and eating and say they've had a fantastic time? There must be some attraction I'm missing or the places would go broke and that never seems to happen!

I'm told the Boot Camp attendees stood out like the proverbial sore thumb as appearing very different to the gambling patrons, perhaps it's because many of us not only dressed for comfort and had note books and name badges, but showed complete disinterest in the "attractions" on offer.

But I digress; back to the ACT Boot Camp! There were so many benefits to attending training out of my own country. I didn't know anyone so couldn't take the easy option of sitting with people I already knew. Every person I met was interesting and generously shared information about their work life and the challenges which are so different to what I experience in Australia. The training was structured so that we quickly dropped the facade of "all is well" and shared information about fears, insecurities, and the personal challenges and hurts which affect us all ... we all have some sort of demons to contend with.

Whilst Australia and the US share a common language (more or less), we don't appear to share similar work experiences or opportunities. The bulk of the attendees seemed to be social workers and psychologists working in government departments or institutions of some sort, and I was certainly in the minority being a career counsellor working privately - yet in Australia, this isn't uncommon. It seems that the closest work title to being a career counsellor for adults would be a life coach. Specific career development discussions seem to be provided mostly for students or through companies providing outplacement services for redundant workers (a term that was considered quite harsh by the Americans) or for veterans (who we refer to as returned service personnel).

I talked with those at my shared table about how I already use ACT in career development work with my clients. Much of what I learnt at the Boot Camp is applicable to people who are unhappy in their careers, who are the targets of bullying, seeking a new direction or who are uncertain about course choices - it's definitely not only for people struggling with PTSD, addictions or abuse, although it's been consistently shown to be of benefit to those groups.

I'm glad I went. ACT complements career development beautifully. I've extended my skills, met some wonderful welcoming people, shared information, hopes and dreams as well as personal challenges and learnt more than I dreamed was likely or possible. I've been enriched by the training as well as the travel experience - for all my initial questions about the value of attending overseas training, it was a worthwhile investment!

wikipedia information on ACT
A non-academic article about ACT by Dr Russ Harris here




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Book review: “Working with Bitches: Identify the Eight Types of Office Mean Girls and Rise Above Workplace Nastiness” by Meredith Fuller

US edition available 2013!

If you've never worked with a bitch, it's hard to understand the anguish it can bring day after long day, week after long week. It's almost impossible to imagine the impact it can have on every aspect of your life; sleeping can be disrupted while you churn over the day, eating can be problematic and leisure time eroded with the ongoing distress of belittling, malicious and downright nasty behaviour. Frustration, self doubt, anger, confusion and exhaustion are words commonly used to attempt to describe the experience. "Working with Bitches" isn't a pop psychology book. It's solidly grounded in theory, knowledge and the experience of working with a diverse range of clients over many years. Meredith Fuller is a loved and respected Melbourne psychologist who interviewed a wide range of women for the stories selected, to shed light on different kinds of bitchy behaviour. The stories give a sense of the personal challenges many women face in working with bitches. They are a glimpse into a wide range of unhealthy workplace dynamics - some are harrowing and you wonder how anyone gets away with such appalling behaviour. All the stories are very readable, and I found myself identifying behaviours I'd seen in different workplaces in a new and helpful way. Not only are the behaviours named and clearly identified, but the possible effect of the behaviour on the target is outlined, along with an explanation of why the bitch may behave in a particular way. Equally helpful are realistic suggestions for dealing with the challenging boss or co-worker and practical strategies are presented in a series of 'what to do' lists. Throughout the book are reminders that not all nasty, mean behaviour is bitchy, even though it may appear that way. There could well be other causes, and in addition there may be a need at some stage for deep self reflection as well. The second part of the book delves more deeply into psychological issues and I found I needed to concentrate more carefully. The possible role of fear and archetypes are discussed as well as different communication styles: for instance a preference for either using the head (Thinking) or heart (Feeling) can lead to difficulty with communication. Age related issues are also discussed, with the possibility for difference and misunderstandings explained helpfully. Whilst "Working with Bitches" has been written by a woman, for women who are working with bitches, I'll certainly buy a copy for my son. I believe it'll give him an insight into behaviours that may otherwise have been perplexing or even have gone unnoticed. The sections on communication styles, learning to say no, managing workplace stress, and strategies for deciding whether to stay or leave an unsatisfactory workplace are equally as relevant to him and other men as they are to women in the workforce. Disclaimer: Meredith Fuller was one of my psychology lecturers when I was at college some 25+ years ago. She was inspirational, enthusiastic and knowledgeable. We came into contact again a couple of years back when we were facilitating Myers Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI) workshops with university students. Meredith has included some of my workplace experiences in the book, however I receive no freebies or financial gain from book sales.  My personal interest in, and professional experience of supporting targets of workplace bullying and bitchiness goes back many years.  I am pleased to celebrate Meredith Fuller's hard work and enthusiasm which have led to the publication of this excellent, helpful and readable book. .

Book review: "Working with Mean Girls" by Meredith Fuller

 - subtitled "Identifying and protecting yourself from workplace nastiness" (This book is sold in the US with the title Working with Bitches and is available as an ebook)

If you've never worked with a bitch, it's hard to understand the anguish it can bring day after long day, week after long week. It's almost impossible to imagine the impact it can have on every aspect of your life, sleeping can be disrupted while you churn over the day, eating can be problematic and leisure time eroded with the ongoing distress of belittling, malicious and downright nasty behaviour. Frustration, self doubt, anger, confusion and exhaustion are words commonly used to attempt to describe the experience.

"Working with Mean Girls" isn't a pop psychology book. It's solidly grounded in theory, knowledge and the experience of working with a diverse range of clients over many years. Meredith Fuller is a loved and respected Melbourne psychologist who interviewed a wide range of women for the stories selected, to shed light on different kinds of bitchy behaviour.

The stories give a sense of the personal challenges many women face in working with bitches. They are a glimpse into a wide range of unhealthy workplace dynamics - some are harrowing and you wonder how anyone gets away with such appalling behaviour. All the stories are very readable, and I found myself identifying behaviours I'd seen in different workplaces in a new and helpful way.

Meredith has identified 8 types of bitches and has named them for their predominant behaviour:

• the Excluder
• the Insecure
• the Toxic
• the Narcissist
• the Screamer
• the Liar
• the Incompetent
• the Not-a-Bitch

Not only are the behaviours named and clearly identified, but the possible effect of the behaviour on the target is outlined, along with an explanation of why the bitch may behave in a particular way. Equally helpful are realistic suggestions for dealing with the challenging boss or co-worker and practical strategies are presented in a series of 'what to do' lists.

Throughout the book are reminders that not all nasty, mean behaviour is bitchy, even though it may appear that way. There could well be other causes, and in addition there may be a need at some stage for deep self reflection as well.

The second part of the book delves more deeply into psychological issues and I found I needed to concentrate more carefully. The possible role of fear and archetypes are discussed as well as different communication styles: for instance a preference for either using the head (Thinking) or heart (Feeling) can lead to difficulty with communication.

Age related issues are also discussed, with the possibility for difference and misunderstandings explained helpfully.

Whilst "Working with Mean Girls" has been written by a woman, for women who are working with bitches, I'll certainly buy a copy for my son. I believe it'll give him an insight into behaviours that may otherwise have been perplexing or even have gone unnoticed. The sections on communication styles, learning to say no, managing workplace stress, and strategies for deciding whether to stay or leave an unsatisfactory workplace are equally as relevant to him as they are to women in the workforce.

Link here to a short promotional video for "Working with Mean Girls."

If you are dealing with a bitch at work or are the target of workplace bullying it's often helpful to seek professional support. Practicing some of the suggested strategies with an experienced counsellor can assist in getting the confidence to try new behaviours in the work setting or support you as you change direction.

Meredith Fuller - photo by Jordan Head

Disclaimer: Meredith Fuller was one of my psychology lecturers when I was at college some 25+ years ago. She was inspirational, enthusiastic and knowledgeable. We came into contact again a couple of years back when we were facilitating Myers Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI) workshops with university students. Meredith has included some of my workplace experiences in the book, however I receive no freebies or financial gain from book sales.

My personal interest in, and professional experience of supporting targets of workplace bullying and bitchiness goes back many years.  I was honoured to attend the launch of "Working with Mean Girls" on Feb 18, 2012 and am pleased to celebrate Meredith Fuller's hard work and enthusiasm which have led to the publication of this excellent, helpful and readable book.

Meredith with Andrea McNamara (Penguin publisher)
at the book launch Feb 18 2012.

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The pain of bullying up close

I've written and deleted, and written and deleted, but my words aren't adequate, so I'll take away my megaphone and soapbox and go and calm down.

What would you say to Jonah?
What would he hear?
What would you say to the perpetrators and onlookers?
What would they hear?
What would you say to the adults around?
What would they hear?
Can any words help?

How to fail an exam. Success (almost) guaranteed!

I love presenting workshops on exam technique to adults. It’s immensely satisfying to explain the "magic" that helps some students sail through exams with flying colours. These are techniques that my adult students can easily adopt to help them succeed.

Adults returning to study often share how, at school, after failing an exam dismally, they put a brave face on, pretended to be cool and not to care. But in the safety of our classes they often open up. Some still burn with the shame of failure and occasionally break down in tears reliving the humiliation of their school days and failing exams.

When students are fearful, they don’t learn or remember easily. They clamp up - not a good start when going into an exam.

There’s often be a collective wail of despair when exam time comes around: “But I don’t know how to study. I don’t know how to answer the questions. I hate exams. I can’t do it.” 

In an effort to break the ice and have a laugh, I ask in all seriousness if anyone knows how to fail an exam. The looks say it all – “Oh crap, she’s lost the plot entirely, what do we do now?”

But of course they know how to fail an exam! They’ve done it often enough to be very familiar with the skills required. And the logic goes, if they know how to fail an exam, they also know the basics of how to pass – start by doing the opposite.

By working from the negative, it proves to each of them that they already know how to study! This lighthearted technique gets them to think about the problem differently, opens them up to another way of looking at the issue.

They already know what to do! Now all that remains is to choose which of the (opposite) actions they can incorporate into their lives with as little pain as possible.

This following is a somewhat tongue in cheek list, but still relevant with so many students working towards final year exams.

So, in a spirit of caring and sharing, during what is a very stressful time for many students, parents, caregivers and teachers, I present for your amusement:

How to fail an Exam:

Before:

• Attend as few classes as possible during the year 
• Sit at the back of the classroom and draw dirty pictures  
• Text friends during class 
• Sigh, moan and daydream 
• Disrupt the class as often as possible and get asked to leave 
• Don’t study - in any way shape or form - ever 
• Complain loud and often about how you’ll fail - negative self talk really helps
• Party the night before

During the exam:

• Don’t turn up 
• Cheat 
• Panic 
• Don’t read the question/s 
• Don’t answer the question/s 
• Answer the question with what you want to talk about rather than what is asked 
• In essays, when asked to present a rough outline, ignore the instruction
• Write illegibly (deliberately)
• In multiple-choice questions, tick all the options. Or none. Or scribble some out and circle others so the marker has no idea which is the answer you hope they'll notice

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but covers most of the tried and true methods my students had become expert at.

What else can you add?

Note: Most of my students went on to successfully pass their exams. There was no magic involved. They were interested in the courses, determined, enthusiastic and motivated to prove they could succeed.

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Workplace bullying – behind closed doors

From the pre-pubescent “Mum, my teacher’s mean” right through to the be-whiskered deep voiced rumble “That creep was shouting in Serena’s face so close she was being sprayed with spittle”, it seems that bullying is rife in the classroom, usually out of view (or conveniently ignored by those in power) and behind closed doors. And who’s going to believe a child anyway and look dispassionately at both sides? The parent finds that even when the most tentative comment is made, the ranks close and hackles rise. “How dare you question my teaching methods?”

This post is for the boys in my family.  I want to let you know that whilst I can’t do anything to ease your pain, hurt and anger, I can help raise awareness and call these mean teachers by the rightful term: bullies.

How proud I was to hear that in the face of relentless verbal taunts you acted responsibly and wisely. When confronted by a bully, we advise that you turn and walk away, get out of their vicinity and don’t respond. You’ll probably be labelled as a difficult child, wilful and disrespectful. But in the face of threat, embarrassment and discomfort, you showed bravery and courage. You left the classroom where you were the target of the teacher bully. I can’t imagine how much you were provoked to feel that was the only action available to you.

You are marking time, surviving at school, but not thriving as you should be. Sometimes school sucks big time.

When the teacher bully targets one or two children, humiliates and belittles them publicly, the rest of the class responds with nervous titters - best to side with the bully than become a target yourself!

What strength it takes not to respond, to pretend to laugh off the humiliating comments. But you see the pain of those who are targeted day after day, week after week, month after month and you don’t know how to help. You stick up for them when you can, but see the injustice and cruelty. You’ve observed how the teacher looks for any behaviour that is out of line, draws attention to it, but never notices or praises the good. He laughs and brings attention to your classmates learning difficulty to his utter shame and bewilderment.

A domino - Berlin 2009.

To confront the teacher bully and tell them to “back off” from verbally abusing another student takes a lot of courage. By golly, I admire you for this. You’ve drawn attention to the bully’s unacceptable behaviour, which he may not take kindly to; from experience you’ll know this method can often backfire and you may become the next target.

How proud I am of you, standing up for the underdog who was being unfairly harangued. To be confronted by a large, dominant and angry teacher is intimidating, frightening, humiliating. It’s an abuse of power and is never acceptable. It never encourages a student to work harder or better or showcase their talent.

I see strong boys, acting with integrity, courage, intelligence and compassion. I’m so proud to be related to you. The teacher bullies you’re confronting appear to be sadly lacking in these qualities. I wonder if they’re threatened by these strengths in you.

To be confined in a classroom where abuse if rife, to be the target, or observe another being harangued, needled, provoked is horribly painful.

You rail against the unfairness, and as parents and family, we can’t always help. We don’t have the answers, and often feel powerless too. Sometimes it sucks being a parent. We don’t always know how to put a stop to teacher bullying - but we see your hurt, anger and frustration and are here to listen whenever you need to unload.

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Chaotic Careers

What role has luck played in your life or career?

Jim Bright is professor of Career Development at the Australian Catholic University and quite a presence in the Australian Career Development field. His Chaos theory of Career Development fits with my experience and that of many of my clients.

An article on the role of luck in careers recently appeared in the Financial Review "How to get luck on your side" link here.

Whilst we might like to think that talent and determination are the key factors in success at work, there is often something else happening too. Bright explains that not everyone with talent will make it to the top of their field no matter how hard they try - and discusses the reasons for this.

It's not simply hard work alone that puts some people at the top of their field. Bright and others believe there's an element of luck, of being in the right place at the right time and of putting yourself in the way of opportunities and being open to change.

Like this tree, many people are able to take advantage
of the opportunity for re-growth after a major unforeseen setback.

Bright's theory of career development is that we live in a world of uncertain events, where the idea of our work-life as a linear progression is simply not how life unfolds. People's careers change direction and often appear haphazard as they hit a wall or another opportunity occurs. Often they 'spin around to do something completely different.'

Jim Bright believes people need to be luck ready and says that even if this doesn't come naturally it can, to some extent, be learnt. Bright and Pryor have devised three tests (link here) so you can see where you fit on their luck scale. You will be asked to create a user name and password and then choose the test you wish to complete.

People who score highly in flexibility, optimism, risk (adventurousness), curiosity, persistence, strategy, efficacy and luckiness will be more open to change and put themselves in the way of chance events more often than those who are less flexible in their outlook.

Random events can cause us to change direction.

Along with many others, Bright believes that our vision of careers needs to include the vision of chance and uncertainty. He encourages us not to stick overly rigidly with a plan, and to acknowledge the importance of the complexity of the world in which we live. This will enable us to make the most of the potential of unplanned and unforeseen events.

Three tests
The Luck Readiness Index profiles your response to chance and measures your awareness and readiness to take opportunities in a changing environment.

The Change Perception Index profiles how you view change in your life and career compared to others. Each comes with an extensive in-depth report. These are available for a fee of $9(Aus)

The Exploring Chaos Reality Checklist is free, and is quick and easy to complete. The checklist is designed to assess your thinking about change in your career and the workplace (and I would add in life in general). An informative interesting and useful printable outline of your results is available on completion.

I've mentioned in previous posts about how change can be very uncomfortable for many people.  But even when it's uncomfortable it can be positive and adapting to it can be an indicator of career success.

The future is not predictable - an example is sudden, unexpected downsizing of a company which can leave unprepared workers floundering and stressed.  Learning to be adaptable and to reinvent ourselves to take advantage of random opportunities can be extremely empowering.

The free printable report from the Exploring Chaos Reality Checklist has suggestions for ways to think about your pattern of responses, as well as how to use this information proactively in regards to future events.  Not bad for free!

Link to tests here.

How have chance and random events affected your life?

A path to Happiness - Meditation

At the recent Happiness and its Causes conference in Brisbane, the former scientist, now Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard (who is often described as the happiest man in the world), spoke about how the mind can be transformed from being agitated and anxious to a state of focused calmness, if we train it systematically. (Wiki bio here) Anxiety will be reduced, loving kindness and compassion will be increased and life is worth living because we find more meaning in it.

The unfocused, agitated mind can be trained in focused attention
We are unable to control the outer world, but we can train our mind by sitting quietly and focused, to decrease stress and improve our sense of well-being and fulfillment.

“It was only in 1998 that neuroscientists discovered that new neurons are continually being generated in the adult brain” the term that is being used is brain plasticity – great news for those of us who had believed that we were on a downhill trajectory after the age of about 25.

But it also means that just because you've been stressed, hypersensitive, or lived with ADD or ADHD all your life, it doesn't mean it has to stay that way for ever - you can start today to create positive change.

Using brain imaging and behavioural tests it’s possible to look at the inner workings of a meditator’s brain, using Western research techniques, to begin to understand the beneficial mental states achieved through meditation.

Photo of Matthieu Ricard by Waisman
Brain Imaging Lab,
University of Wisconsin - Borrowed from here

Put simply, it means that scientists can point to the parts in the brain to show that meditation works to create a happier person.

Happiness
Genuine happiness results from the deep fulfillment that arises from a healthy mind; it enables us to deal with whatever comes our way. We hear of people who appear to live in paradise, but are miserable - we know that what happens outside us doesn’t necessarily make us happy.  By adopting a few achievable techniques from the 'super meditators' like Matthieu Ricard, we learn to become less vulnerable to the vagaries of negative life events.

Highly regarded doctors, psychologists, scientists and others have been systematically gathering evidence for many years that practicing techniques such as Mindfulness Meditation, can have profound effects on our psychological health, general wellbeing and overall happiness.

Throughout the conference it was emphasized that successful meditation rests on discipline, not wishful thinking. But, most encouragingly, it is completely unnecessary to trade in your day job to become a Buddhist, or indeed any kind of monk. Just a few minutes of sustained voluntary attention each day as you pause from your regular chores is powerfully beneficial. That’s great news for those of us for whom meditation seems awkward and somewhat alien.

Interesting article about Matthieu Ricard and meditation here
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Do you bully yourself?

Last month some people dropping by might have thought; “Workplace bullying? Nope, that doesn’t apply to me; all is fine here".

You might have a comfortable home life, nothing out of the ordinary in the line of illness, your relationships are loving and secure, with no particular problems.

You may even have wondered what all the fuss is about regarding bullying. I've heard the comments such as "Suck it up" "Toughen up" "Stop whinging" to name a few.

A few people contacted me and said something very similar. But there was a niggle, a sense of unease and it turns out that although they’re not on the receiving end of serial bullying at work, they’re definitely on the receiving end of their own well crafted and highly personalised bullying. Could this apply to you?

The uncensored cruelty some of us dish out to ourselves – and that we believe – can be as damaging as serial bullying by a co-worker.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking: “Oh I couldn’t do xyz, I’ll never be as good as … so I won’t try.”

“I stuffed up last time, so I’ll give it a miss now”.

“Gee you’re crap at this aren’t you. Why are you wasting your, and everybody else's time?”

“Eeeew, you’re getting a bit big for your boots now aren’t you; better quit before you make a fool of yourself.”

“You don’t really think you can compete with x do you! What a joke! Oh, they’re going to laugh long and loud when they see the drivel you’ve come up with.”

or even: "You know they'll realise you're a fraud really soon; better stop now."

Nyip nyip nyip all day long, it can be utterly exhausting. It's no wonder life can feel utterly draining when you're contending with such negativity.

That critic sitting so brazenly on your shoulder can be a malicious, vicious, undermining sod; sniping, whinging and moaning and with direct access to your ear. Very difficult to escape!

In summary, what we hear, day in, day out in the privacy of our own head can be equally as vicious, malicious, undermining and relentless as what I’ve described regarding workplace bullying.

What to do?
Kurt Vonnegut often wrote about how we should behave towards one another, and believed strongly that we should treat each other with kindness and common courtesy. I’d like to add that ideally, we should treat ourselves in the same manner.

Do you treat yourself with common courtesy? With kindness, compassion and tolerance?

The Dalai Lama in Sydney 2009.

Treating ourselves kindly is a choice, and we can learn to treat ourselves as we would treat others, although it may will take time and effort. As the Dalai Lama said at a lecture I attended - and I'm paraphrasing here - we can take a pill to make ourselves feel better for a short time - this is easy - but we need to make wise choices about how we will live for the effect to be long lasting.

While shaking his head in wonder he described a person taking anti-depressant pills to feel better, yet continuing to abuse the mind and body with unhealthy life choices.

What can we adopt in our lives to begin loosening the grip of the negative sniper on our shoulder and stop bullying ourselves?

In one of last month’s posts I mentioned in passing, a television series that aired here in Australia called "Making Australia Happy". In a future post I’ll look a bit more at the ideas presented, and the ways we can address those snitchy undermining comments.

Until then, “How do you treat yourself?”

Thanks to Roberto at Roberto's Report for describing how to continue posting even when the Spinning Wheel of nothingness strikes!
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The Transformers Choir & the power of music to heal.

Songwriting as a tool to process grief.

Dr Felicity Baker at the Happiness and its Causes conference discussed research into the power of music which showed that listening to music helps people who have had strokes improve their cognition and ability to think. She also discussed the therapeutic value of songwriting as a tool to help process grief as well as joy.

It’s like telling healing stories in a musical way. 

We heard in a panel discussion that musicians are sensitive souls who need to understand the depth of human emotions to be able to express them through song and music.

“It’s a gift to be able to move people to tears. Musicians are sensitive souls and need to understand emotion and to share, to be vulnerable in front of an audience for a living, to lay oneself bare, for the emotions to be bare, as a gift to the audience”.

The Transformers Choir
The Transformers are a group who experience extreme disadvantage in their communities and may experience mental health problems, general disability and homelessness in inner city Brisbane. Nonetheless they rehearse weekly and perform regularly. Their motto is a quote from Hans Christian Andersen: “Where words fail, music speaks”.

Transformers Choir - pic from here

The goal in creating the Transformers Choir was to bring people together as part of a community, to connect with others and let music do its magic. Creating music added a new focus to their lives. Participating in the group has given meaning to many and some group members say they feel less depressed. Apparently focusing on creativity in one sphere of our lives can encourage us to be creative in how we deal with ourselves in other areas.

The Transformer’s songwriter Brian Procopis, listens carefully to group members and collaborates fully with the contributors, it’s their experience he’s writing about, not his, and he’s very respectful of this. The bad stuff in life isn’t ignored or denied, and is incorporated into song, but the primary focus is on creativity and the process of writing the song. This was a really powerful illustration of the therapeutic effect of music and song that Dr Felicity Baker mentioned.

So much to think about. I’m in awe of the courage it must take to perform on stage when you are vulnerable, not only as a musician but as a member of a group disengaged from mainstream society.

This comment moved me deeply:  “The Transformers want to be inspirational and give to the audience”.

There we were, a privileged audience, consisting of professional, medical, creative, religious, artistic, and generally well to do people, being offered a gift from those who have little to give, expect themselves, their voices and their experiences.

It's really the greatest gift of all isn't it, to give yourself. Not a thing, not something with a dollar value, but yourself. They have nothing, but they gave everything.

I felt gratitude, but also humbled, privileged, honoured, energised, uplifted, and moved to tears.

They received a standing ovation.


***

Creativity. Music. Curiosity. 

A great combination to begin the healing process after bullying.

Given what we now know about the power of song-writing to aid healing, it'd be great if those who have been the targets of bullying, and are hurting in other ways, could have a go at writing about your experience in song and perhaps make up a tune for it. Or if that's a bit too daunting to start with, try singing a song perhaps while washing the dishes.  See what happens. Be inspired by the very obvious benefits the Transformers experience and see how it pans out in your life.

Articles about the Transformers Choir here and here.
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Happiness and its Causes - Pre conference workshop

I think a good place to begin talking about happiness is at the pre-conference workshop I attended, and with some attempt at a definition of happiness.

Let’s start with what happiness isn’t: Happiness isn’t having what you want whenever you want it. That leads to a selfish attitude that isn’t good for you or those around you.

In the pre conference workshop "The Attention Revolution", the presenter Alan Wallace* described two types of happiness.

Hedonic happiness

We seek it externally; it feeds the senses and is when we try to feed our inner yearnings with “things” outside of ourselves. It's when we hope or expect a person, thing or event to MAKE us happy.

That’s a big ask of any person don’t you think? It’s a bit like saying “I can’t do it myself (ie make myself happy/content/satisfied) but I expect you to do it for me”. (And heaven help you if you can’t fulfil my wishes!) That’s a huge amount of pressure to put onto another person. I can’t help but think that if you want someone else to make you happy, it's a tad selfish.

Many people are addicted to the superficial feeling that hedonic happiness brings. They continually chase the sensation and are subject to the highs and subsequent lows when the sensation wears off or isn’t fulfilled. The craving is the same as with more publicised forms of addiction.

Alan Wallace described it as being similar to ADHD, and the inability to focus sustained attention. “Where can I go next?” “What can I buy next?” “What can I do to prevent boredom?” We’ve all known exercise junkies, workaholics, alcoholics, TVaholics, people always wired and gaming. Retail therapy anyone?

Many people indulge in hedonism to hide from emptiness and pain and as a “pick me up”. You may have noticed this tendency in yourself. What do you use to hide from yourself (warts and all), and what opportunities do you miss as a result?

Eudaimonic happiness


Alan Wallace and others refer to eudaimonic happiness as genuine happiness. It is an inner happiness which feeds the soul, and stems not from what we get from the world but from what we bring to it. He believes it stems from

• An ethical way of life
• Mental balance
• Self knowledge

Genuine happiness isn’t subject to the ups and downs of hedonic happiness and provides us with longer-term stability and security.

More on how to begin to attain eudaimonic happiness later...

Other presenters at the conference included: Dr Jane Goodall, Dr Paul Ekman, Dr Russ Harris and His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

Topics for discussion included: "Cultivating Genuine Altruism", "What's Happening to our Children?" "Compassion", "Empathy", "The Nature of Depression",  "We are what we eat", "Music", "Resilience" and "Sex" - in all a very interesting variety of topics related to happiness!

*Alan Wallace trained and lived as a Buddhist monk. He has a degree in physics and the philosophy of science, and has a Ph.D in religious studies.

Many of his teachings are available in podcasts from here and here

**These are my observations, presented through the lens of my own biases and experience and not a verbatim transcription of the workshop or presentations.
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Breathe with awareness

I've been dipping into "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris, and I'd like to share a couple of paragraphs about the importance of breathing. It sounds odd doesn't it; but as I said the other day, breathing with awareness can assist beneficially in all sorts of difficult situations.

Russ is talking about a client whose husband and child died in a car crash and how waves of sadness wash over her which trigger a strong desire to drink heavily. She eventually finds that remembering to take even one deep breath can make a difference. "It gave her a few precious seconds to realise what was happening. Then she could make a conscious choice as to whether or not she would act on that urge."

Sometimes she still chose to drink heavily, but over time, she found that by remembering to be aware of her breathing, she was able to make more decisions to drink less (which she knew wasn't helping her recover). Eventually the desire had less control over her, and she felt more in control of her life. She was still extremely sad, but not overwhelmed and out of control with heavy drinking.

Further on he talks about what to do when you're in a crisis.

"No matter how bad the situation you're in, no matter how much pain you may be suffering, start by taking a few deep breaths. If you're breathing, you know you're alive. And as long as you're alive, there's hope. Taking a few breaths in the midst of a crisis gives you valuable time to get present, to notice what's happening and how you're responding and to think about what effective action you can take. Sometimes there is no immediate action to take. In this case, being present and accepting what you are feeling is the most effective action."

I suspect that many people who are suffering from PTSD can relate to the situation above. I really like the last two sentences; "Sometimes there is no immediate action to take. In this case, being present and accepting what you are feeling is the most effective action." It sounds simple, but it may not be easy.

Tidal River. Wilsons Promontory. Victoria.

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Another step. Recovering from bullying.

Last month I looked different aspects of bullying; I’ve now moved on to looking at the recovery process. If you’ve been the target of serial bullying, you’ll understand the challenges involved in coming to terms with what’s happened and learning to live and breathe freely again.

Not long ago someone said to me, that even after having been out of the bullying environment for over a year, it seems almost impossible not to get caught up in thoughts like “If only…” “What if…” “Why didn’t I…” “How did it come to this?” “What did I do wrong?” and other similar comments, even though it is clearly evident they’re serving no useful purpose at all.

What seems to regularly happen, is that after becoming aware of this destructive rehashing, the target begins berating themselves with negative comments along the lines of “You’re useless, you know this isn’t helping”, “Why are you being so mean to yourself, why don’t you go for a walk…it’s because you’re not only useless, but lazy” on and on. As I said the other day, it’s a real double whammy.

This person’s mind is so used to following the well-worn unhappy paths, that it takes committed and conscious discipline not to fall into this self destructive habit. You're learning to nip it in the bud as soon as you become aware of it happening.

The path to the familiar story of the past can be easy to take. It’s a well worn track, and while you’re busy doing something mundane, you suddenly become aware that the old hurts and painful episodes are playing out again, and again, and again.

Sometimes I think of it like a virulent ‘earworm’. You know, one of those ghastly songs that as soon as you hear the title or melody, you can’t escape it, and it plays for days and days ‘till you all but scream “Get out of my head and leave me in peace.”

But much worse.

Is it helping?

If yes, read no further!

If not, are you able to pause for a moment as soon as you become aware of what’s happening?

A bit like we talked about the other day. Just pause. That’s all for the moment.

The next bit seems to be tricky. It’s just letting all the crap and hurt just be there without putting a value judgement on it, without the shoulds and oughts kicking in automatically. Can you make space for it, give the prickliness of it a little room?

The idea is to begin breaking the old familiar habit and take one tiny step in the long process of choosing and consolidating a new habit. I don’t pretend it’s easy. In a sense it’s a bit like forging a new track through uncharted territory where there appears to be impenetrable jungle full of all sorts of tricky obstacles. Our brains seem to skitter towards the familiar path, even if it’s hurtful.

What’s happening is that when you’re fighting the painful, intrusive thoughts constantly, and pushing them away fearfully, (because they hurt so much) the pathway to them seems to get stronger.

This old path is clear and direct. It’s so well worn from the countless times it’s been travelled that the sides are up high, way over your head and it’s difficult to see over them to what is around outside. To choose to deviate involves conscious effort, slipping and sliding, clutching at the steep sides, scrabbling up and over, but then and only then is it possible to see that being on this track was preventing you from seeing other options.

And so, one step.

Just one.

When the painful thoughts intrude; pause; breathe deeply, three times if possible, stretch tall.

That’s it.

I wonder how many times each day you can do this. 5, 10, 50 or more? Does it help?

There's a bit more on the recovery process here.

The Making of Happiness

In my last post, I mentioned a television series called Making Australia Happy, and promised that I’d introduce you to the ideas behind the show. This link leads to the web site attached to the show, as well as to a self assessment Happiness Test. You'll also find suggested guidelines for worksheets, links to the episodes, and the research behind the show.  If you're think you could be depressed please seek professional support - if you don't know where to start, try Beyond Blue (link), Lifeline (link) or your local GP (General Medical Practitioner).

Whilst I found the format of the show a bit gimmicky in that it mirrored the games show format of ‘The Biggest Loser’ etc. I stuck with it because of the calibre of the presenters and quality research behind the programme. Normally I’d turn this kind of show off because I’d be very critical of, and skeptical about the validity of the content.

Eight people were selected from a miserable inner city suburb near Sydney. The promotional blurb states “Hoping to find greater fulfillment and meaning in their lives, they’ve signed up to an eight-week happiness program ... they discover that the road to happiness is tough, but that the rewards can be immense…”

They found that happiness changed their biology and the functioning of their brains in a very positive way.

Three professionals from different walks of life explained how their particular intervention would work and how it interlinked with the other two. It is known that each alone is beneficial, but the idea was to encourage each volunteer to adopt all three because of the positive gains when they’re used in combination.

Three strategies 

1. Mindfulness was introduced by Dr Russ Harris. When I realized he was one of the presenters I was confident the show would be reputable. Russ trained me in the Mindfulness technique called ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy). I found him to be honest, trustworthy and he acts with integrity. I figured that if he was on board, the quality of the other techniques presented would be equally as good.

Dr Russ Harris taught the eight volunteers some simple, evidence-based techniques for cultivating mindfulness. These were taken from a model called ACT which teaches mindfulness skills through quick, simple exercises rather than the more traditional method of meditation.

The promotional material goes on to say that Mindfulness means paying attention with openness, curiosity and flexibility. The technique (along with other meditation techniques) is gaining the attention of leading medical researchers, psychologists and neuroscientists who are studying the long term benefits for stressed people.

2.  Positive Psychology focuses on the value of positive emotions, character traits and environments.  The ideas behind Positive Psychology were pioneered by Dr Martin Seligman, and are based on a model of wellness and positive human functioning. A lot of research has been done which supports the benefits of this model. Dr Tony Grant introduces this section.

3. Physical health. A huge amount of research has also been done into the importance of improved physical health to support happiness. A physiotherapist, Anna-Louise Bouvier worked with the participants to look after their bodies, sleep patterns, diet and exercise. As the blurb says “in order to get the most out of their mental training, it was vital for the volunteers to be in good physical shape".

Check out the links, take the test if you want, and have a look at the show if you have time. There's a huge amount of good information and things to do.

Next I'll have a look at other strategies to support those recovering from bullying. I'll revisit ACT and mindfulness later on.
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T. Targets & Teachers. Workplace bullying

Target: a person, object or place selected as the aim of an attack.

Targets of bullying go to work to get their job done and are rarely interested in office politics or conflict, they're not interested in power plays. They may have high moral values, integrity, a strong sense of fair play and dislike arguments and aggression. The target often has a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue and negotiation. Many are reluctant to make a formal complaint against the bully and would prefer to forgive and get on with the job at hand. They are often extremely strong individuals who are able to withstand serial bullying for years.

The target may be vulnerable (see V) is some way, for instance need to pay a high mortgage or may be a sole parent living off one wage. They may need to stay in a work environment to cover expenses, even though they may be experiencing daily torment and feel locked in, as if there is no escape. They are not weak because they stay.

The target  may be artistic, imaginative, creative, academically above average, or may be different in some way. Many targets are caring and empathetic, forgive easily and are unwilling to resort to the lying and deceptive tactics of their tormentor. They are often criticised by the bully as being soft and overly sensitive, but in reality are showing a mature ability to respond to the concerns of others gently, with respect, dignity, consideration and tolerance. In addition, the target may show a strong sense of independence and self reliance, they have little need to be part of the 'inner clique'.

The bully on the other hand will generally try to recruit others into the 'chosen' group. They are malicious, callous, and uncaring about the needs of others. The bully manager may refer to his or her management style as 'tough', 'rough and tumble', 'strong', or 'if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen' and respond with impatience, irritability and aggression when this style is questioned or when he is referred for management mentoring.

East Side Gallery. Berlin. 2009.

Teachers as targets (link to information for Queensland teachers who are being bullied. Some of this information is relevant for others)

Teachers who are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated, imaginative, innovative, and full of ideas may be targeted by others in the profession, particularly if they have an envious, malicious, bullying department head. The bully boss may be threatened by the competence and popularity of this staff member.

Sadly, many excellent teachers who are keenly aware of the difficulties faced by their caring, gentle students - the loner, the nerd, the learning disabled, the child who is a bit different in some way - may be hounded out of the profession. The hierarchy appears afraid of the very qualities that make them excellent teachers, and often does little to support them in the face of ongoing, relentless bullying.

Sometimes these very teachers have been able to protect the student targets from bullying by other students and staff. When they are "let go" the students are again vulnerable.

Teachers as bullies
Teachers who are serial bullies may also delight in targeting vulnerable students as well as other staff. They are devious, cunning, vicious, undermining, cruel and vindictive when they have found their target.  These malicious teachers not only restrict the child's access to enjoyable activities as punishment, but devise humiliating, belittling punishments on a daily basis for the target, possibly making fun of a mild physical deformity or a learning difficulty. They make cruel and callous criticism of the child's work, calling them 'dummy', 'failure' or bringing the classes attention to the simple fact that the child is different is some way.

This constant undermining and bludgeoning of a fragile self esteem can affect the child for life. Many adults have told me that whenever they try to prove that they can do something challenging, the face of their teacher tormentor and the onlooking class appears in front of them, and they hear the belittling, undermining, cruel and malicious comments, even 50 years after they've left school. Many never achieve their potential.

East Side Gallery. Berlin. 2009.

"You'll never amount to anything, I don't know why you try", "What a loser", these and other cruel phrases prevent the student from learning and actually encourage the child to go into a protective mode and should never be used in the guise of "It'll make him try harder".

Uncontrolled shouting is excruciatingly painful for a child with certain hearing difficulties. They cover their ears to prevent the pain, which increases the rage of the out of control teacher. Students in a classroom with a teacher like this will have difficulty learning.

Teacher Training
Teacher trainers please take note: all trainee teachers should be explicitly taught how to manage a classroom effectively so all students can learn, this must include thorough training in effective management of child bullies. Every primary teacher trainee should be given thorough training in how to teach mathematics, reading and spelling to all students including those with learning difficulties. Sending trainee and new primary teachers out without these vital basic skills is appalling, and that it is happening in 2011 is .... (words fail me)...

The importance of tackling bullying in Primary schools is well documented, and makes obvious sense. Twemlow, Fonagy & Sacco have written some excellent papers that I hope to discuss at a later date.

Further information on bullying at school here. For schools, teachers and other interested parties: CASSE (Creating a Safe Supportive Environment) has an inexpensive conference in May 2011 in Melbourne, link here.

What is your experience as a student, teacher or target? 

Here tomorrow: Underestimate & Unrelenting


There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.

Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration, often with an environmental theme.
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