Workplace bullying – behind closed doors

From the pre-pubescent “Mum, my teacher’s mean” right through to the be-whiskered deep voiced rumble “That creep was shouting in Serena’s face so close she was being sprayed with spittle”, it seems that bullying is rife in the classroom, usually out of view (or conveniently ignored by those in power) and behind closed doors. And who’s going to believe a child anyway and look dispassionately at both sides? The parent finds that even when the most tentative comment is made, the ranks close and hackles rise. “How dare you question my teaching methods?”

This post is for the boys in my family.  I want to let you know that whilst I can’t do anything to ease your pain, hurt and anger, I can help raise awareness and call these mean teachers by the rightful term: bullies.

How proud I was to hear that in the face of relentless verbal taunts you acted responsibly and wisely. When confronted by a bully, we advise that you turn and walk away, get out of their vicinity and don’t respond. You’ll probably be labelled as a difficult child, wilful and disrespectful. But in the face of threat, embarrassment and discomfort, you showed bravery and courage. You left the classroom where you were the target of the teacher bully. I can’t imagine how much you were provoked to feel that was the only action available to you.

You are marking time, surviving at school, but not thriving as you should be. Sometimes school sucks big time.

When the teacher bully targets one or two children, humiliates and belittles them publicly, the rest of the class responds with nervous titters - best to side with the bully than become a target yourself!

What strength it takes not to respond, to pretend to laugh off the humiliating comments. But you see the pain of those who are targeted day after day, week after week, month after month and you don’t know how to help. You stick up for them when you can, but see the injustice and cruelty. You’ve observed how the teacher looks for any behaviour that is out of line, draws attention to it, but never notices or praises the good. He laughs and brings attention to your classmates learning difficulty to his utter shame and bewilderment.

A domino - Berlin 2009.

To confront the teacher bully and tell them to “back off” from verbally abusing another student takes a lot of courage. By golly, I admire you for this. You’ve drawn attention to the bully’s unacceptable behaviour, which he may not take kindly to; from experience you’ll know this method can often backfire and you may become the next target.

How proud I am of you, standing up for the underdog who was being unfairly harangued. To be confronted by a large, dominant and angry teacher is intimidating, frightening, humiliating. It’s an abuse of power and is never acceptable. It never encourages a student to work harder or better or showcase their talent.

I see strong boys, acting with integrity, courage, intelligence and compassion. I’m so proud to be related to you. The teacher bullies you’re confronting appear to be sadly lacking in these qualities. I wonder if they’re threatened by these strengths in you.

To be confined in a classroom where abuse if rife, to be the target, or observe another being harangued, needled, provoked is horribly painful.

You rail against the unfairness, and as parents and family, we can’t always help. We don’t have the answers, and often feel powerless too. Sometimes it sucks being a parent. We don’t always know how to put a stop to teacher bullying - but we see your hurt, anger and frustration and are here to listen whenever you need to unload.

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Q. Qualities we instil in our children. Workplace bullying

This is my post for the letter Q in the A-Z blogging challenge 2011.


Bullying at school
Let's think for a moment about the qualities we aim to instil in our children. The ones we're proud of them for exhibiting - things like honesty, kindness, caring for the underdog and trying to resolve conflict with negotiation. In general, parents, society and schools (with a few exceptions) encourage children not to resort to violence.

As a society we say we value these qualities. And yet conversely when our child is the target of bullying in the playground, many parents demand of the same child "stand up for yourself". It's a very mixed message for any youngster. Equally perplexing to many children is the bullying which seems to be celebrated on the sport field and in business and the political areas.

Often we encourage children to "ignore them, they'll go away if you don't react".  But if the little tacker is being hounded day in, day out with sly and not so sly kicks, pinches and punches as well as verbal abuse,  ignoring the bully, or attempting to defuse the situation simply isn't going to work, particularly if school back up is ineffective. The bully is generally devious and sneaky enough to present a smiling, innocent face to any adult who happens on the event. They manipulate the situation so the target suffers doubly.

As parents we often don't know how to respond anyway, particularly if the school is weak and avoiding their responsibility for providing a safe environment. See CASSE (Creating A Safe Supportive Environment) to receive e-news and information on how schools can help raise awareness to counteract bullying. There are also links to academic papers by Twemlow, Fonagy & Sacco. (Click on the tab "Bullying always happens in a social context" or "Disconnected youth are a high risk to schools".)

Bullying needs to be nipped in the bud at the very first instance. We need to celebrate schools that tackle the issue head on. Schools that excuse, condone or ignore the behaviour need to be encouraged to follow the best examples. Every child has a right to attend school to learn, each child has a right not to be bullied, harassed or assaulted by either students OR staff.

All children should be taught how to identify bullying tactics. We must not accept school yard bullying as an inevitable part of schooling. It doesn't toughen anyone up, has detrimental affects on a child's capacity to learn, they have more days off school which in turn means parents need to take time off work to care for the bullied child. Ignoring thuggish behaviour is in effect condoning it. Children should not be expected to handle these damaging situations alone. They need competent support and reliable mature assistance.

The bully may appear to have friends; sadly others often tag along due to fear of being targeted themselves. The bully may be envious of your child and their very good qualities, their humanity, their compassion, their academic achievements, envious of their loving home and caring environment which may be sorely lacking in their own life.

Children shouldn't be expected to cope with bullying alone.

The damage from childhood bullying can affect people for life.  As an adult, children who have been targets of serial bullying may be uncertain and apologetic, they often question their abilities and competence and fail to achieve without intensive support. (Ricky is an example of someone who struggled academically after years of serial bullying at home and school.)

Some adults who have been bullied as children lack a sense of security and trust in others. They haven't been taught appropriate strategies to counteract the unwanted, unasked for attention, and go on to be bullied in the workplace as adults. In addition, schoolyard bullies who haven't been held accountable for their unacceptable, thuggish behaviour as children, often (but not always) go on to be adult bullies, often rising to positions of considerable power at work. In these instances, the damaging effects can undermine reasonable requests for corporations to take responsibility for their actions, affecting health, families and the lives of people far beyond the immediate work environment.

Depending on the cause of the bullying, some adults bullies can be mentored in better, more mature management techniques, and discover the new skills create a happier more productive workforce.

Qualities of the schoolyard bully

For the qualities that childhood bullies display see Bullying (April 2, 2011).

Further information on bullying at school here. For schools, teachers and other interested parties: CASSE has an inexpensive conference in May 2011 in Melbourne, link here. Further programmes here


Here tomorrow: R - Responsibility


There are many outstanding resources on line. A couple I find useful are Bullying. No way! an Australian resource for teachers and students, and a UK site Bully On Line. The Facebook group eBossWatch regularly posts links to articles and discussions about workplace bullying. This is in no way an exhaustive list, and each country will no doubt have equally good or more relevant websites. If you're being bullied please seek advice from a professional health care practitioner experienced in this area.


Over at jumpingaground I'm spending the month Drabbling using alliteration, often with an environmental theme.
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