Budget, schmudget - we'll be in surplus!

News from a vaguely familiar state somewhere in Southern Australia. Somewhat tongue in cheek, and entirely unreferenced, flight of creative fancy.

The elected Grubbymint in their most recent budget, endorses rampant climate change, gives green light to policies that hasten our ill health, erodes job security and secures the advantage and ubiquity of coal fired power plants.

Education, now considered a luxury, is outsourced to the lowest bidder. Staff recruited via call centres based in India - visas optional.

Funding slashed from technical and further education redirected into newly built and refurbished jails. Corrections Officer training available from “Shonky Bros” inconveniently and expensively located in your nearest capital city.

What used to be quaintly known as the Bluestone College*, is rumoured to offer courses to inmates similar to what in the past was offered by TAFE’s. Many inmates had hopes for re-entry into education after disrupted schooling. *early jails were built from bluestone and were known colloquially as a bluestone college.

An early introduction to a life of crime by Thugs Anon, led to these youths being called the 100,000 dollar kids, being the average cost per annum to provide funding for services such as counselling, welfare, court appearances, intervention orders and rehab costs. Their dreams of a regular education have been gutted by the callous dismantling of the highly regarded TAFE sector with support systems available to reintroduce disengaged youth to reputable, vocational and challenging courses.

Services for those with special needs are seen as an an unnecessary luxury by the Grubbymint and are likely to be slashed to cut costs.

Jails are rumoured to be refurbished and huge sums are earmarked for new facilities to house the expected increase in convicted criminals. In part these new inmates are likely to come from the growing ranks of the newly unemployed and angry, disengaged groups who are unable to take advantage of “upskilling” now the TAFE colleges are being allowed to fall into disrepair. 

Stress levels are anticipated to increase as disregard for the environment takes its toll – those who used to cycle safely to bushland to lift their spirits and enjoy some peace from the hurly burly of life are now unable to avail themselves of that outlet. Health impacts are expected to lead to an increase in depression and weight gain, blowing out medical and hospital budgets.

Jobs slashed in the environmental sector saves millions, now earmarked for generous injection into cleanER coal. Koalas, already endangered, lose protected lands, but habitat is now available for fracking and/or subdivision (see F - Fracking here). Generous tax breaks for fossil fuel and mining industry will be offset by increased taxes in luxury goods such as bicycles, scooters and all recreational and sporting goods.

Innovative enterprises are obstructed and investment discouraged in renewable energy, further supporting the stranglehold of the fossil fuel industry.

Generous performance bonuses are deposited into bank accounts of the sycophantic Grubbymint minions whose inability to address the far reaching impacts of their vicious decisions further alienates them from the public and any good-will that may have been expressed. Secure in their sheltered, ivory tower 'workshops', they’re protected from the need to come face to face with any of the people who suffer at their hands, and give high fives all round for a job well done.

Safe in a sanctuary, these koalas are unlikely to be bulldozed or fracked into oblivion.
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