Seasonal job vacancy available at short notice.

I'm not sure where the photo came from, but isn't it brilliant!
If it's yours, please let me know.

Whilst on a training flight early this morning, tragedy struck the much loved (by children and junk toy makers) figure, known in many parts of the world as Father Christmas or Santa Claus. It is understood that Father Christmas had been whooping it up with his reindeer.

The reindeer, led by the exuberant Dasher, were enjoying stretching their legs after twelve months of idleness and were excited about the biggest event on their admittedly, mostly empty calendar. It's rumoured that the effects of climate change and a warming earth had disoriented the team as they usually navigate by observing glaciers which have been melting at an unprecedented rate.

 “Forgetting about intercontinental air space regulations and not beng up to date with the effects of climate change are a bit of a hazard when you take to the skies so rarely” confessed a visibly devastated spokesperson for Father Christmas.

Lawyers are vying to represent the interests of Father Christmas, and figures in the mega millions are rumoured to be offered to the winning firm. A well known company from Australia are said to be in the running! However, given that Father Christmas gifts everything he makes, this figure is possibly somewhat inflated, as he leaves no obvious estate other than some very shaken reindeer a battered sleigh, and the unheated, uninsulated sheds the elves work in.

An international incident is looming with the pilot of the aircraft claiming complete innocence, "I was not flying negligently" he insisted at a press conference earlier today "the mad fool came out of nowhere and didn't even show up on the radar. Then WHAP, I couldn't see a thing for presents, sleigh and reindeer".

In scale the incident will probably top Russia’s rage at America trying to bring the internet to its knees with the proposed SOPA bill, and be even larger than China’s chagrin at America setting up a military base in Darwin, Australia. Aussie annoyance at the government allowing, nay encouraging, a northern US base pales into insignificance compared to the untimely demise of Father Christmas by an aircraft of ***** nationality. Those pesky Americans seem determined to flex their international muscle and will probably try to gain notoriety by sending their most aggressive lawyers to work on this most sensitive, discreet case. Admittedly, it would be a coup for any firm to represent such an interesting figure.

Human Resources representatives for Father Christmas are scurrying to find a suitable replacement. Advertisements for this part time, voluntary position, have been placed on line and they’re scouring the earth to find someone of suitable shape as well as an astounding level of athleticism, generosity and genuine cheerfulness. Candidates are unlikely to have their references or Working with Children checks vetted thoroughly given the short time frame and urgent need to fill the vacancy. All applicants are – unfortunately - welcome. A note just to hand advises that the successful applicant need not be fat, Anglo-saxon or male.  The situation is obviously extremely dire and tension is mounting by the hour.

Historically, Father Christmas wore a green suit, but it’s understood that when Coke Cola (oh dear, Americans again) commandeered the image, this was changed to the current vibrant red. The incumbent will naturally be provided with a tailor made suit as the current one is in poor shape, not to mention its rather torn and blood-spattered appearance.

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